Dealing with the Anger

[Depression = 72% of members]

My dBPD wife is really angry. She feels disrespected by our sons. One son spoke to her briefly with an angry tone when she interrupted him while he was ordering dinner. The other made a cynical remark in response to something she said. Par for the course with young men in my experience. While these things were rude, most people would have moved on, instead, she got very angry and it ruined our dinner out. Then later, she asked me to give the boys a talking to, tell them they were disrespectful and that was unacceptable. Well, I disagree. I think they were a little rude, but she should have shrugged it off.

Nor do I feel the whole situation warrants a day and half of angry diatribes. her response is out of proportion. I feel stuck. I can't agree with her because she is wrong. I've tried a bit of SET and validation, but that's been lost in the flow of anger and negativity.

[Inquisitive1]

My dBPD wife is really angry. She feels disrespected by our sons. One son spoke to her briefly with an angry tone when she interrupted him while he was ordering dinner. The other made a cynical remark in response to something she said. Par for the course with young men in my experience. While these things were rude, most people would have moved on, instead, she got very angry and it ruined our dinner out. Then later, she asked me to give the boys a talking to, tell them they were disrespectful and that was unacceptable. Well, I disagree. I think they were a little rude, but she should have shrugged it off.

Nor do I feel the whole situation warrants a day and half of angry diatribes. her response is out of proportion. I feel stuck. I can't agree with her because she is wrong. I've tried a bit of SET and validation, but that's been lost in the flow of anger and negativity.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Lifewriter16]

Hi Inquisitive1,

I don't normally post on this board, so I don't have much to offer, but it immediately strikes me that dBPDw is expecting you to do her dirty work and I think she should do her own. If she doesn't like their behaviour, it is up to her to let them know how she feels, irrespective of whether she is overreacting or not. Additionally, it looks to me like she was disrespectful/rude in the first place.

I'm not quite sure where supporting your wife rather than undermining her comes into my theory though... .I shall be interested to hear what other people have to say on this issue.

Lifewriter x