The benefits of what we've all just been through and lessons learned

[Frustratedbloke]

Well, I finally got rid of mine the other week, she tried her bi-monthly charm offensive and rather than just ignore, I sent her the Facebook page of the man she's engaged to, complete with pictures of them together. She had denied his existence throughout, still was denying it, and I just said: ":)on't worry, I'll ask him instead."

She disappeared, I think forever this time.  

But that's an aside, I am pretty much over her now and I've moved, thousands of miles away, to the Caribbean. But here's the thing, these people are everywhere, and what you've read and learned will save you. I just found that out.

I went on a date with a girl, she tried to move in with me the next day because she was 'scared of an ex'. She did the whole professional victim routine, nobody loves her, she's just a pure and innocent girl with a good heart looking for someone to love. I went on one more date with her, which was still one too many, then dumped her. I got the full BPD crazy on the way out the door, but I kept walking and didn't look back.

Would that have happened a couple of years ago? I really don't think so... .

Here's the thing, there are damaged people everywhere and without the one bad experience, the really bad one, I wouldn't know the signs. Now I have read everything, I know the warning signs and I have the strength of my own convictions to walk away.

Right now you're in pain, most of you, but you're going to look back on these days and be thankful one day. It will be sooner than you think, and it will be when this person that wreaked havoc on your life saves you from someone worse.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. You will all get there in the end We'll meet someone awesome, because we've learned to filter out the wrong ones, and we'll all look back on this and realise that without the bad, we couldn't go somewhere good.

I haven't met the awesome one yet, but I'm a lot better at filtering the crazy. So by the simple law of averages, math, attraction, whatever it is, I'll get to them when the time is right. You will too.

[Larmoyant]

Hi frustrated, thanks for posting this. It helps to imagine what the future holds when I'm over all the pain and hurt. I hope to never have an experience like this again and you're right we're all armed with knowledge now and will be able to spot them a mile off. And, like you just did run the other way as fast as humanly possible

[JerryRG]

Wow, Frustratedbloke

I'm impressed with your health and well-being.

Congratulations and keep this coarse.

When you mention the damaged people everywhere? Do you believe our society is creating more of these damaged people?

I'm glad you are getting along and you are doing so well. Gives me and others hope.

[Frustratedbloke]

I think there are more than ever before. If you want my take then we're the first generations from broken homes. The family unit just isn't the same as it was in the old days and that means we've got a lot of wounded children out there.

Then the ones that are 'out there' on the dating scene are more likely to be damaged or broken in some way, the healthy ones pair off and form a meaningful relationship. It's just logic that the ones on the dating scene have a higher chance of displaying the characteristics we all talk about on here.

Not everybody is full bore nuts, but a lot of people have some pretty deep insecurities that will do just as much damage in the long run.

I've had my fill of insecure and broken people. It's not my job to fix anybody and I'm only going to give my time to healthy people from this point on. 

We'll all get to that point. By reading the things on here and other sites, you're already on that road. Just keep going and you'll get there. If I can, you can!

[JerryRG]

I totally agree, unfortunately as our society produce more damaged people, one key factor is that damaged people don't know or may not have the skill to even recognize they are damaged. I believe once these "damaged" people become teachers, lawyers, officers, pastors, any position of influence, their own damaged belief system can reinforce the next generation only multiply and further complicate the damage through ignorance or reinforcement or encouragement and acceptance of the damage as being normal.

What ever you think or want is an individuals choice regardless of the consiqenses to self or others or society as a whole.

My exgf is currently living off our sons child support and she never has him or cares for him, I and many others believe this is unfair and wrong, but she can still find many people in authority who would argue that she deserves to live this way. The people making the rules are not always healthy either.

Oh, and don't try to judge anyone wrong, God forbid we tell anyone what's right or wrong. Vicious cycle that leads to what? Dad get a job? Mom take care of your kids? Oh no, no don't tell me what to do, this is MY LIFE!

It's a mess

[Frustratedbloke]

100% agree and just having a professional job is no guarantee you're not a lunatic with your own issues in the modern age. Crazies are also exceptional at sniffing out others that reinforce their crazy... .

All we can do, where possible, is just not give them a minute of our time. Even authority figures, you deal with them to the level you have to deal with the, and move on.

If you keep selecting out the mad ones, mercilessly, then you'll be left with good people. Or at least healthy people. It's kind of simplistic, but it's the truth.