I miss her so damn much

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

I sense my friends and family are quite tired of me being this way... .I'm quite tired of me being this way. I need to stop caring and I need to move on, but as the months roll by I'm staying in place. I want my life back, and I want my heart back.

For 3 years it was always about her, 'me' 'me' 'me', and now I feel like I'm the same way. I wish she cared about me. I'm six months discarded, surely this pain has to stop eventually. I felt like I was 70% or 80% of the way through, now I'm screwed again. I hate myself for being this way. I hate her for being able to move on without giving a damn.

I should have picked a better username... .I'm a self fulfilling prophecy.

[lostnlonelydee]

I sense my friends and family are quite tired of me being this way... .I'm quite tired of me being this way. I need to stop caring and I need to move on, but as the months roll by I'm staying in place. I want my life back, and I want my heart back.

For 3 years it was always about her, 'me' 'me' 'me', and now I feel like I'm the same way. I wish she cared about me. I'm six months discarded, surely this pain has to stop eventually. I felt like I was 70% or 80% of the way through, now I'm screwed again. I hate myself for being this way. I hate her for being able to move on without giving a damn.

I should have picked a better username... .I'm a self fulfilling prophecy.

[ItsVal]

Hi,

Just wanted to let you know you are not alone in your struggle. Only been here a couple of days but I can really relate to your feelings, however I hope through hearing you are not alone, you might get some comfort out of it, and I'm sure others will get in and lead the way for both of us ... .

[Milka]

Lostnlonelydee please don't beat yourself up for feeling this way. It's normal, we are only human and have feelings, emotions and just because our minds work in a normal way, we do tend to make 1 step forward, 2 steps backward on our way to full recovery. They are moving on because their minds are distorted. Please know it is ok to feel this way and it's a normal process of healing. One day you will actually start feeling better and will be making 2 steps forward and 1 step backward... and then you will just move on. The memories will remain, some bad feelings will always stay, but they won't be controlling your life anymore. We are all in there! Come and vent here because we understand 

[Rayban]

Hey lonely,

Like many people on these boards I've been there and it was and sometimes still is extremely difficult to deal with. This is one of those times in your life where you have to first believe in yourself, and secondly begin accepting things for what they  are.

I was stuck in a period where all I could think of was the good times.  They were intense something I've never felt with anybody before. It was like a drug. People closest to me would try to remind me of how bad this person was for me, but I wouldn't listen.

The fog began to lift, and I began seeing and accepting that in the end I rather suffer through the loss then life a lifetime of misery. I also began working on me. Re onnected with friends, began working out, got back in to hobbies, got interested in my work. I began to get my self esteem back. The more it grew the more I easy it was to detach.

[pgri8684]

Hi Lonely,

Healing is certainly not a linear process. There are moments when I only remember the good times (a year ago) and I feel sad. To bring me back into reality, I read the diary where I wrote all the dysfunctions of our r/s.
I'm also reading a lot of articles about differences between real love and attachment (ask Google, Bing,... .).
I agree with  Rayban: Get your self esteem back. The more it grows the more easy it is to detach.

[Mutt]

Hi  lostnlonelydee ,  

It's normal, we are only human and have feelings, emotions and just because our minds work in a normal way, we do tend to make 1 step forward, 2 steps backward on our way to full recovery. They are moving on because their minds are distorted.

I'd like to add that it's not a race. I can relate with turning to family and friends for support, like many members, I went through a traumatic event and was searching for answers, loved ones may mean well but they may not know what to say or how to help, it can feel invalidating but they mean well. I turned to the boards and shared with people that were going through the same thing. That being said.

Probably the best way to recover from a break-up with a pwBPD is seeing a T concurrently with a support group. Are you seeing a T?

Re onnected with friends, began working out, got back in to hobbies, got interested in my work. I began to get my self esteem back

I'd like to echo that sentiment, a huge help for me was working out and taking care of ourselves is really important, exercise can also help us with our mood, we feel better after a work out, do you exercise?

Everyone knows that regular exercise is good for the body. ... .Regular exercise can have a profoundly positive impact on depression, anxiety, ADHD, and more. It also relieves stress, improves memory, helps you sleep better, and boosts overall mood. And you don't have to be a fitness fanatic to reap the benefits.

www.helpguide.org/articles/exercise-fitness/emotional-benefits-of-exercise.htm

[Lucky Jim]

Hey LnL, I echo Mutt and those above.  Your feelings are normal.  The best way to process your emotions is by acknowledging, rather than ignoring, them.

I wish she cared about me.

The reality is that you have no control over her feelings.  Suggest you focus on the things within your control and let the rest go.  You could consult the Serenity Prayer, which sums it up well.

LuckyJim