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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: She is turning her new fiance into me  (Read 541 times)
naguma
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 61


« on: October 15, 2016, 07:53:11 PM »

My exBPD partner and I got together at 18 and 21 respectively. We were together for 11 years.
Little over a year and a half ago we broke up. I started the break up, she finished it. Things got so bad that roughly 6 months after the breakup I moved and she is unable to contact and/or find me. She has since been with the same guy and they recently got engaged.
One of our mutual friends (more hers then mine) reached out to me to tell me that the ex is doing some odd things to the new guy. The guy is the mutual friends best friend since childhood, so she is a bit worried. My ex is calling the new guy by a nickname which is based off my name. She has convinced him to shave his face in the same fashion as I did (he use to wear a full beard). She is also recreating many of the dates and vacations we had as a couple.
After full NC the exBPD has been trying to contact me constantly. But her first act was to put a protection order out against me, which just insured NC stayed that way.

Part of me wants to tell the mutual friend to, well &^%$(she did take my ex's side at the time). However, the guy is only 20 and I would hate to see another persons life damaged the way mine was.

Should I tell him that his nickname is my nickname? Or just keep living on my life, his problems are his?
(figure the nickname thing would creep just about anyone out)
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C.Stein
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 2360



« Reply #1 on: October 16, 2016, 08:24:26 AM »

You are not responsible for this guys life.  My advice is to stay out of it.
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patientandclear
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: single
Posts: 2785



« Reply #2 on: October 16, 2016, 10:24:39 AM »

If any of this needs to be told, the mutual friend would seem to be best-situated.
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Herodias
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1787


« Reply #3 on: October 16, 2016, 11:04:03 AM »

I say stay out of it too... .somehow you need to convince yourself that you are better off and if this guy is too weak to be his own person, then that is his problem. Be glad she has someone else to torture. Funny thing though... .my exes gf is turning my ex into her ex-husband. Just like you said here... .taking the same trips, the way he dresses and now has a beard. She just moved him up to her very, very small hometown in the mountains near her family. She is posting this all for her husband to see on Facebook I am sure. I seriously wonder if my ex has gotten with another pwBPD or just very immature, hard to tell.  I am very relived he is no longer in my state for me to run into. It is very strange how they take on personalities like this, I understand. I guess it is because they don't know who they really are. Sad, I seriously thought mine was a city person by all of the choices he was making... not my choice oddly. Oh well, he will have to deal with the consequences of what he has gotten himself into, just as your ex. I suppose they feel like nothing is permanent, so may as well give it a go... .wish I could do that a little bit actually... .Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) By the way... .I am glad I am not alone in the middle of nowhere with out the ability to get the police fast, like she has just done! Very, very scary! Just remember, the new person doesn't believe you are a truthful good person after the smear campaign... .he won't believe you anyway, sadly.
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Sadly
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Very Single
Posts: 886



« Reply #4 on: October 16, 2016, 12:19:21 PM »

Nope, say nothing, this will sadly be one of his life's learning curves just as it was one of yours and ours too. If you get involved you will continue being hurt, leave well alone and enjoy your future safe in the knowledge you can now spot a red flag when it flaps in your face. X
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Never let someone be your priority whilst you remain their option
Fr4nz
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 568



« Reply #5 on: October 17, 2016, 04:25:05 PM »

I agree with the others... .stay safe and keep NC.

Indeed, it seems quite clear that your friend is well-aware that the behaviours your ex is exhibiting with the new bf are very odd; thus, I'm sure she can provide him good advices by herself, without the need to involve you.
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