First Real Significant Other Committed Suicide

Hi All,
This past Saturday, I was at a corn maze with some friends, sitting around a warm campfire, sipping wine when I checked Facebook. I was checking in to the corn maze, and in in my feed popped up a post.

It was written by my dear college friend's daughter informing us her father had passed. I had just seen my friend two months earlier when he came to visit Chicago. We hadn't seen each other in 20yrs but he reached out to me and really wanted to get together.

We had a great time and parted with a big hug. His last words: You look fantastic. Let's get together soon.

What I read after the passing part is that he was suffering from PTSD and anxiety. His daughter had spoken to him Friday night and knew he wasn't doing well. She and her boyfriend drove 11hrs straight to be with him. When she got there, she crawled into his bed and talked with him, consoled him.

Because they had drove straight through she was exhausted and fell asleep. Next she knew someone was knocking on the door and it was the police.

He had jumped off a bridge and was deceased. His daughter... .this was her best friend and confidante.

His death has put a lot in perspective for me. This was my first love and my first experience with a man. I was a late bloomer and waited til college for pretty much everything. I was an overweight teen and had just lost 80lbs when I met him. No one had ever looked at me the way he did or treated me like I was a beautiful person before. Out of all the men I have ever dated this one was a complete southern gentleman. Kind, loving and just a good person to all around him. When I look at all of my exes I cannot say any of them were as good as this man. He did not cheat on me or abuse me. He was just a really good experience in my life, now gone.

I am struggling out of complete sorrow for his daughter right now. That, and knowing a very formidable part of the person I have become is gone.

It has opened my eyes to many things. He suffered from PTSD after doing two tours, one of Iraq the other Afghanistan. No one knew he was suffering.

After dating my BPD ex I too, had PTSD. I too, almost committed suicide. I can understand his feelings of loss and helplessness. It doesn't make anything easier though.

I do not want to call his death a gift because it isn't. I would bring him back in a heartbeat even if I had to endure the residual from the demise of my last relationship for eternity.

Remembering him and how genuinely good he was to me has started to heal me in ways I haven't been able to heal the past few years. I had forgotten how good I once had it. There are people out there that won't treat you like complete shyt and abuse you. There are people you CAN be friends with after the end of a romantic relationship. There are good ones out there, and I know this person was truly one of those good people.

I had opened up a fake Facebook page to keep tabs on my BPD ex that blocked me. I'll admit, this is not one of my proudest moments and I am embarrassed to share I did that. I know that's wrong, stalky and I feel like a hypocrite telling people not to check their ex's page when I was doing that myself. My apologies there.

I just closed it. Done.

All that matters is the people who ARE there and who do love me. Not the crappy ones who inflict pain and smear me.

I'm finally done wasting my life NOT living, just obsessing over a failed relationship that ultimately sucked. I wish it hadn't taken someone I cared about dying to bring me to this but I am grateful I can let it go. It's like a weight has been lifted.

RIP my dear LG.



Diagnosis + Treatment The Big Picture Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? [ Video ] Five Dimensions of Human Personality Think It's BPD but How Can I Know? DSM Criteria for Personality Disorders Treatment of BPD [ Video ] Getting a Loved One Into Therapy Top 50 Questions Members Ask Home page Forum List of discussion groups Making a first post Find last post Discussion group guidelines Tips Romantic relationship in or near breakup Child (adult or adolescent) with BPD Sibling or Parent with BPD Boyfriend/Girlfriend with BPD Partner or Spouse with BPD Surviving a Failed Romantic Relationship Tools Wisemind Ending conflict (3 minute lesson) Listen with Empathy Don't Be Invalidating Setting boundaries On-line CBT Book reviews Member workshops About Mission and Purpose Website Policies Membership Eligibility Please Donate