Trying to help son escape

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

My son is married to a BPD woman... .she has been abusive since day 1. How can I help him break free?  Details: she is wealthy, has convinced him to stop his life and quit his job to be available to take care of her. They secretly eloped 3 years ago. She started out saying she didn't want to tell her family right away, and it developed into never telling them and expected us that knew to keep it a secret... .she puts our son on a pedestal to only devalue and emotionally destroy him... .they were about to buy the house they live in and the pressure of the commitment drove her to break up with him... .but now that they are not buying they house she is luring him back... .he has lost himself... .he can't eat, sleep, work or stay away from her. After she kicked him out, he brought he's belongings to our hose... .but he can't stay away from her... .he keeps going over ther and staying ... she has never allowed him access to her money, he is in debt and in collections and had to borrow money from us... she has cut him off from friends, family, work ... .everything but her... .now he can't stay away and she continues to lure him only to tell him everything he is as a human being is not worthy of her... .we don't know how to help him... .he is a prisoner of BPD woman that makes almost 1 million dollars a year... .but abuses him ... .she was also pregnant about a year ago and went to the ER where her friend works and "lost" the baby... .but is suspected to have had an abortion as any type of commitment puts her over the edge

[Helper1]

My son is married to a BPD woman... .she has been abusive since day 1. How can I help him break free?  Details: she is wealthy, has convinced him to stop his life and quit his job to be available to take care of her. They secretly eloped 3 years ago. She started out saying she didn't want to tell her family right away, and it developed into never telling them and expected us that knew to keep it a secret... .she puts our son on a pedestal to only devalue and emotionally destroy him... .they were about to buy the house they live in and the pressure of the commitment drove her to break up with him... .but now that they are not buying they house she is luring him back... .he has lost himself... .he can't eat, sleep, work or stay away from her. After she kicked him out, he brought he's belongings to our hose... .but he can't stay away from her... .he keeps going over ther and staying ... she has never allowed him access to her money, he is in debt and in collections and had to borrow money from us... she has cut him off from friends, family, work ... .everything but her... .now he can't stay away and she continues to lure him only to tell him everything he is as a human being is not worthy of her... .we don't know how to help him... .he is a prisoner of BPD woman that makes almost 1 million dollars a year... .but abuses him ... .she was also pregnant about a year ago and went to the ER where her friend works and "lost" the baby... .but is suspected to have had an abortion as any type of commitment puts her over the edge

[Skip]

Does your son want out?  Or is he conflicted?

[ForeverDad]

I was thinking to myself, "He ought to beware that if he has children with her then to a greater or lesser extent, depending on his level of parenting, he will be tied to her for the next two decades, at least."  Then I read where she lost the baby or more likely ended the pregnancy.  So my thoughts still apply, though it seems she's not specifically trying to entrap him with children at this time as many other members have experienced.

Unless he wants to continue a risk to 20 years of his future, he should be smart about pregnancy control.  As history has shown, if we are to believe she was pregnant and then wasn't, she can't be trusted in that respect.

If at all possible he needs support, your support is invaluable, but also more, a very experienced counselor.  How much of that counseling would impact him and stick with him over the long term, that's hard to say and the Million Dollar question.