Father with BPD recovering from divorce. HELP

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Hi guys. I am a 21 year old young man.

I have grown in a family of 4 children. I have always been part of a united family lifestyle. My mother stayed at home and my father was a workoholic construction worker. Around 14 I started seeing that it was not going that well with my parents. I could feel the neediness and fear of abandonment. when I was 17 my parents divorced. The painful divorce process is still ongoing.

It is after a little bit of research that I clearly notice that my father has BPD which is an extremely sad illnes. The divorce has ripped his heart apart and has nothing left but the fear that his children will abandoned him. I can assure you that his rough childhood may explain why he suffers from BPD. It is extremely hard for me, my mother and siblings to keep a healthy relationship with him. We love him after all. Don't think I can convince him for treatment. I am also clearly affected by it: Distorted sense of what a healthy relationship is, anxiety, depression.  Some advice, please.

[Volco94]

Hi guys. I am a 21 year old young man.

I have grown in a family of 4 children. I have always been part of a united family lifestyle. My mother stayed at home and my father was a workoholic construction worker. Around 14 I started seeing that it was not going that well with my parents. I could feel the neediness and fear of abandonment. when I was 17 my parents divorced. The painful divorce process is still ongoing.

It is after a little bit of research that I clearly notice that my father has BPD which is an extremely sad illnes. The divorce has ripped his heart apart and has nothing left but the fear that his children will abandoned him. I can assure you that his rough childhood may explain why he suffers from BPD. It is extremely hard for me, my mother and siblings to keep a healthy relationship with him. We love him after all. Don't think I can convince him for treatment. I am also clearly affected by it: Distorted sense of what a healthy relationship is, anxiety, depression.  Some advice, please.

[Woolspinner2000]

Welcome Volco94, 

I am so glad you found our online family! You will find welcoming hearts and listening ears who will be able to understand much of what you are going through.

First of all, I think it is very courageous on your part to be willing to look for help about the possibility of your dad having BPD. You have that sense within you that you know something isn't right. It took me a long time to figure out what that was with my uBPDm. Upon discovery of the traits of BPD, I also felt some relief that this sad illness does indeed have a name.

The divorce has ripped his heart apart and has nothing left but the fear that his children will abandoned him. I can assure you that his rough childhood may explain why he suffers from BPD. It is extremely hard for me, my mother and siblings to keep a healthy relationship with him.

Yes, a pwBPD can be very hard to live with or have any type of relationship with. You are very normal with your reaction. Others who post here are nodding their heads in agreement, because we have all struggled tremendously from the effects of having a BPD in our lives. What types of difficulties specifically do you notice? Does he rage or get angry with you or your siblings?

I am also clearly affected by it: Distorted sense of what a healthy relationship is, anxiety, depression.

It is completely understandable that you are struggling in these areas. I also struggle in the same areas, and I have been seeing a T to help me. Do you have any availability to see a T who is familiar with BPD? Do you still live at home, and with your mom and siblings?

To the right side of this board is our Survivors Guide. Above that is a small section titled: Lessons with Understanding the Effects of Growing Up in a BPD Environment. You may want to take time to read there, to get familiar with some of the things we struggle with as a child of a pwBPD. -------------->>>

I look forward to hearing more of your story!
 
Wools

[HappyChappy]

Don't think I can convince him for treatment. I am also clearly affected by it: Distorted sense of what a healthy relationship is, anxiety, depression.  Some advice, please.

Hi Volvo94,

The more you know about BPD the easier it is to deal with, so coming here should help that. It is uncommon for a BPD in advanced years to even accept they have an ailment with negative connotations, so you are probably right about talking your Dad into therapy. In terms of distorted sense, one way to find out would be to post your thoughts or events on here, and get a balance of opinion. Is there anything currently niggling you ?