Now on anti-depressants

[Woods77]

I've been seperated from my exBpd partner for a month or two and I'm still in the flat we lived together in, I've no job and I face going back to live with parents. I'm so bad I've had to go to doctors. I'm hoping this will help.

Can I expect any further drama from my ex? She seems to thrive on it. I see this recycle mentioned? She doesn't really contact me and I miss her a lot and still think we could get back together but I couldn't take anymore and it was best to split up as the BPD was triggered by everything.

I thought I'd feel better without all the mind games, the mental abuse, but I'm all broken and now on the same anti depressants she took! Just to make it worse...

[fromheeltoheal]

I've been seperated from my exBpd partner for a month or two and I'm still in the flat we lived together in, I've no job and I face going back to live with parents. I'm so bad I've had to go to doctors. I'm hoping this will help.

I'm hoping it will help too Woods, and good for you for going and getting some help.

Can I expect any further drama from my ex? She seems to thrive on it. I see this recycle mentioned? She doesn't really contact me and I miss her a lot and still think we could get back together but I couldn't take anymore and it was best to split up as the BPD was triggered by everything.

I miss her a lot and still think we could get back together but I couldn't take anymore

That sums up the way many of us feel after these relationships end, you want it but you can't take it anymore, I understand.  That conflict will resolve with time, and remember, a "recycle" happens when two people who broke up get back together, and you have as much say in that as she does, try and watch yourself saying things like "will she recycle me", which gives her all the power.  Time to take your power back, and as you grieve, process and detach, what she does will be irrelevant, and then you will be free.  And yes, it will happen.

I thought I'd feel better without all the mind games, the mental abuse, but I'm all broken and now on the same anti depressants she took! Just to make it worse...

Anti depressants are supposed to make it better, not worse.  Sometimes it's helpful to take pharmaceuticals under a doctor's care for a period of time, so you can get your feet back on the ground and start moving forward again.  If they aren't helping, I encourage you to go see your doctor and talk about it, there are many available, and maybe it's the association that they're the same ones she's taking that are messing you up?  And while you're at it, eating right, sleeping enough, drinking a lot of water and exercising some will make a world of difference if you aren't currently doing them.  Take care of you!

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Woods77, Good for you for addressing your symptoms of depression, which is a healthy move on your part.  I'm sorry to hear what you're going through in the aftermath of your separation from your BPDx.  It's hard, no doubt, but I'm here to suggest that your pain leads to greater long-term happiness, so hang in there.

LuckyJim

[Woods77]

Thanks guys. I hope it gets better, I still want to contact her but I don't. I'm not sure what our friendship is now. A sort of text of logistics and a got a text about something in her life that I didn't need to know.

Thanks again.

[JQ]

Hello Woods77,

I'm sorry that you're going through all of this but you have to know that the group here is behind you to support & assist you on your path forward. It won't be easy as you have read, and others will testify too. But as Lucky Jim as pointed out, you've taken the VERY FIRST STEP IN SELF CARE!    You've recognized that you have a degree of depression and you sought out medical assistance for this. Most will tell you that we're no different than you are. You'll find no here that will judge you because we've been where you are.

But as Lucky Jim points out, "your pain leads to a greater long-term happiness".  Take a deep breath Woods, it's going to get better, the group here is proof of that. I'm not going to try to sugar coat things, it'll be rough but the journey you are on will be worth it. You'll find peace within yourself. You'll find that you can be happy with yourself and you won't need others to make you happy. You'll find that you can enjoy YOUR life for YOURSELF!

I know what you're going through is painful and you seem confused at times, you're angry at times & all you want is to be with her again at times. So I ask you what does Woods want?  Do you want to continue down this path your currently on and see how that works out? Do you want to walk a different path and what would that look like? 

I would encourage you to read the references to the right of the page if you haven't yet ------------->>>>>>>>>>
I would also encourage you to read a couple of books, "The Human Magnet Syndrome", "Stop Walking on Eggshells" "I love you, I hate you, don't leave me" all of them you can find at your local library or your therapist office to loan out. They'll give you come good insight & education to BPD and codependency. If you haven't got a good therapist I would encourage you to seek one out that is experienced in BPD/Codependency r/s as it's part of the healing process.

Then as others have suggested, come back here to vent, ask questions, bounce ideas off of us because we've been there ... .but you need to ask yourself those questions too.

J