They should be registered

[Kelli Cornett]

Anyone with me here?
Bpd people should have to register online so before we date anyone we cam check

This random thought came to me when reading these boards and wondering if any of us have been used by the same person

Not really serious but the thought gave me a needed smile

[fromheeltoheal]

I get where you're coming from brahmin, some folks should come with warning labels, then again if there were "files" on people, what would ours say?

But really, most partners of folks here are subclinical, meaning they don't have and/or wouldn't warrant an official diagnosis of the disorder, but clearly there are enough similarities in the behaviors, since this site exists and we're all here.  So what would you have done differently back then if you knew what you know now?

[Oncebitten]

warning labels indeed.  FHTH I am going to answer your question to brahmin.
It would be nice if you recognized the signs early, for me I dont think that it would have stopped me from getting involved with her, but I'd like to think had I known what I was dealing with I could have been more prepared, handled things differently.  BPD throws you for a loop if you have never encountered it before.  Especially in a romantic relationship.

[SoMadSoSad]

I believe psychology should be a mandatory class for high schoolers. Obviously a lesson plan for BPD would be nice.

[once removed]

it seems more proactive for us to learn to deal with challenging people; 26% of the population, at a given time, suffer from a form of mental illness, but mental illness isnt in and of itself a red flag. boundary busting and lacking boundaries, for example, are.

youll meet more people like that unless you go to the other extreme and remain hypervigilant about everyone you meet. what we have the opportunity to do now should that happen is to reassess, and make healthier decisions, based on what weve learned.

like   fromheeltoheal asked, what have we learned? what would we do differently?

[Kelli Cornett]

What I would have done differently... .  I wouldn't have taken on faith some of the things that she initially told me that I no longer believe are true.

For me lying is one of the greatest of "sins"... .because it reduces the other persons choice.  They/WE are making choices and decisions on untruths.

Now I do give you that eventually the truth will reveal itself and even if a person continues to lie - we are still charged with our choice - but we now have the information to choose.

Whether we choose wisely or poorly - well that is our Right and also our Responsibility.

I, by nature, am truthful.  I will say the difficult things even if it does mean that I may lose people or they may get upset with me.  I do this kindly but I don't alter the truth for my own comfort or means.

That being said, I also don't want to become jaded, suspicious, fearful, guarded, manipulative - all the traits and things that people who have been abused seem to ingrain into their very beings.  This too is a choice.

With my expwBPD this was taken advantage of in the beginning - and later when "things" revealed themselves I did make a choice to stay but had I know in the forefront I wouldn't have engaged in a relationship.

[steelwork]

I agree that awareness of and respect for my own boundaries seems to be the common factor in most of my problematic relationships. I'm tagging myself with a warning sticker, since that's something I can actually control. However, Brahmin, I sympathize.

And it's tricky distinguishing boundary awareness from hyper vigilance.