Coping Mechanisms.

[Depression = 72% of members]

So this is the Coping board, and we post lots of tried and tested coping mechanisms. But we all will have developed our own coping mechanisms from childhood. Some healthy and others not. So I thought we could share the coping mechanisms we have, healthy ones others may use or unhealthy ones we might want help coming off. So I’ll go first:

The Beatles are a coping mechanism for me (bear with me on this). My BPD normally stopped anything I enjoyed, but she had no interest in music so allowed this. But I had no money for records so had to borrow from the library, which had really old stuff. And the only palatable old stuff was the Beatles. I remember the excitement of getting hold of St Peppers, to this day music helps, and the Beatles, in particular bring back a safe feeling. As my BPD was normally screaming, arguing or nagging, so with my headphones on, I got a break from that. On a side point, I only recently learn’t John Lennon was considered NPD, but I always lent Paul McCartney way, he seams genuinely nice. Probably why he attracted Heather Mills, considered to be BPD. Funny how it all links together.

My new coping mechanism is going for walks in the country side.

So what have been your coping mechanisms and why ?

What new coping mechanisms have you learnt as an adult ?
 

[HappyChappy]

So this is the Coping board, and we post lots of tried and tested coping mechanisms. But we all will have developed our own coping mechanisms from childhood. Some healthy and others not. So I thought we could share the coping mechanisms we have, healthy ones others may use or unhealthy ones we might want help coming off. So I’ll go first:

The Beatles are a coping mechanism for me (bear with me on this). My BPD normally stopped anything I enjoyed, but she had no interest in music so allowed this. But I had no money for records so had to borrow from the library, which had really old stuff. And the only palatable old stuff was the Beatles. I remember the excitement of getting hold of St Peppers, to this day music helps, and the Beatles, in particular bring back a safe feeling. As my BPD was normally screaming, arguing or nagging, so with my headphones on, I got a break from that. On a side point, I only recently learn’t John Lennon was considered NPD, but I always lent Paul McCartney way, he seams genuinely nice. Probably why he attracted Heather Mills, considered to be BPD. Funny how it all links together.

My new coping mechanism is going for walks in the country side.

So what have been your coping mechanisms and why ?

What new coping mechanisms have you learnt as an adult ?
 

[Naughty Nibbler]

HEY HappyChappy:  

What a great thread!  

"So what have been your coping mechanisms?"

MY UNHEALTHY COPING HABITS:
When I'm stressed or anxious, I have a tendency to use food as comfort. I've had a few periods of time, where I've been too anxious to eat, but the reverse has generally dominated.

The one thing that I've recognized is how easy it is to stop good habits and slip into the bad habits again.  I believe it takes approx. 21 days to develop a new good habit, but it seems like we can easily evolve away from a good habit in a couple of days.  (a slippery slope).  I think that many of us may struggle a bit with staying with coping skills we try.  

It took me years to figure this out, but I've acknowledged that I tend to get Winter depression (SAD).  Every year hasn't been the same.  A few years were mild, while others packed more of an impact.  As I've gotten older, the trend has been more consistent.  I start getting anxious as the days start getting shorter.  Then, I recover just as Spring arrives.

To cope with my Fall/Winter challenges, I make an effort to get regular exercise and use mindful eating practices.  I participate in online groups/teams that focus on fitness, weight loss (and maintenance).  I, also, use bright-light therapy.  

What new coping mechanisms have you learned as an adult ?

Exercise and TM meditation are my oldest healthy coping mechanisms.  Last year, I added guided meditation and I've downloaded several audio files from YouTube.  I found a little free utility that facilitates downloading YouTube files.  I've placed the files on my Ipad and phone, so they are readily available without an Internet connection.

I like to take my dog and go for walks in the park.  This year I, also, started some mindfulness practice and I try to incorporate some mindfulness exercises, during some of my walks at the park.  Just taking some time to mindfully focus on things I see, hear, smell and feel, can serve to clean house in my mind.

The link below leads to a mindfulness exercise from the book, "The Happiness Trap"

https://www.thehappinesstrap.com/upimages/Informal_Mindfulness_Exercises.pdf

I've found a few breathing exercises that I find helpful, during tense moments.  My favorite is the 4-7-8 breathing exercise from the link below:

www.drweil.com/drw/u/ART00521/three-breathing-exercises.html

The thought-stream visual meditation at the link below is something you can download to a phone and carry with you.  It can be a little 12-minute mini vacation for your mind.  You can use some headphones and use it just about anywhere and go unnoticed (you will just appear to be watching a video).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N0Lo5tUXkVI

One other thing I tried this year is aromatherapy.  I purchased some essential oils and experimented with blending some oils and using a diffuser.  Right now, it is one of those things that I tried for awhile and forgot about.  :)efinitely something I want to try again.  One of my favorite ways to relax (and deal with sore muscles and aches), is to put some epsom salts and essential oil in bath water (I use lavender, but other fragrances can be used).  You can tailor it from there, perhaps adding some favorite music and/or perhaps some candles or battery operated lights.

[Notwendy]

Me too Happy Chappy!

The Beatles were how I consoled myself as a child. I would listen to their music alone in my room for hours.

To me, they sang about something I hoped for- love. I know if was childish and romantic, but to hear them sing about love confirmed to me that it was real, even when I didn't feel I had a mother who loved me.

I wasn't old enough to understand all they were saying. It is funny now to listen to a song and realize oops- "ticket to ride" was not about a train ticket as I thought it was as a kid.  . But I understood the idea of loving someone from the songs.

I did read Cynthia Lennon's biography and John was in ways, abusive and likely NPD from her story. The song "Run For Your Life" is pretty chilling to listen to now.

Music still brings me to my happy place, although my choices of what I listen to have expanded.

[polly87]

Hi Happy Chappy and thanks for this great topic!
The Beatles have been a coping mechanism for about a decade for me... .I find comfort in them always being available when I need them. They cheer me up when others don't pick up the phone.

My unhealthy coping mechanisms were/are:
Sugary foods
Shopping for things that will make me look more attractive
I used to self-harm but I'm proud to say that I quit the habit 18 months ago 
I watch tv shows just for the comfort of seeing the same male protagonist each night

My healthy coping mechanisms are:
Music
Walking (I havent done this in a while because of a nasty infection)
Texting a friend
Calling my aunt or dad
Writing on this board
Meditation
Petting my cats
Journaling
Volunteer work
House-cleaning
Taking a shower and visualising that my soul is cleaned

I used to do nearly all of these things as a kid and teenager too. Strange to think of it that some things don't change... .

[HappyChappy]

Polly87 and Notwendy you are clearly classy ladies with bags of taste, if you like the Beatles. Naughty Nibbler lots of good ideas and hyperlinks as always. My sister has very similar coping mechanisms.

The Beatles were how I consoled myself as a child... .To me, they sang about something I hoped for- love.

Never thought about it that way, but yes you're spot on.

Writing on this board

That is the correct answer, well done you win a coffee machine. But when you wrote  "I watch tv shows just for the comfort of seeing the same male protagonist each night." I loved Cheers and Friends, and once read part of their success was the warm feeling we get, of belonging to their group of friends. But Cheers in particular was really helpful for me, as it was on during the bad old days (BPD).

I guess with vacation time coming up, we might need more coping mechanisms. We tended to go abroad. My sister use to just pop into see our BPD for the day, with some excuse as to why the rest of her family weren’t there and she had to leave soon. Any other tips out there to help with vacation triggers are welcome. 

[polly87]

I guess with vacation time coming up, we might need more coping mechanisms.

That's right! December is one of the hardest months of the year, what with the weather (it gets dark at 16.30 here) and the holidays... .I've already taken out the Christmas decorations because the little lights tend to cheer me up. And I rewatch old movies - the old stories take me to a timeless place. Also, I'm making small changes to my home to make it more inviting for myself to be there, just really simple things like matching cushions. Anything to get a homely cosy feeling.

[Woolspinner2000]

Another really good topic, HC. 

I guess with vacation time coming up, we might need more coping mechanisms.

We just passed the American holiday of Thanksgiving last week. In the past couple of years, my T has spent time working with me on changing how I go through the holiday season, not only because of the stress everyone experiences, but also because, as most of us here know, it can be and often is an extremely triggering time of year for us. I've made some changes to add in some coping mechanisms, and it has helped a lot. I still get stressed from the extra load, but it is much much better for me than in the past.

One of the most triggering rooms in the house for me is the kitchen, because it connects to so much of my dysfunctional childhood FOO and my uBPDm. I'm easily triggered or experience flashbacks in this particular room, so my T encouraged me to change the way I go through a holiday. Rather than spending the entire day in the kitchen cooking and cleaning up afterwards, I try to plan simpler meals, ask for help (which I rarely ever did before), and let someone else do the cleanup. Since relationships are the most important thing to me, I do my best to plan on spending time with my family, not doing the obligatory ritual traditions that my mom ingrained in me. It would be okay to go with paper plates for example, or pizza, or whatever will make life simple and easy, without the complications. Make new traditions is the whole point, and through that process, do what you love and value the most, eliminating those things which weigh you down in spirit and in physical energy.

  to all, especially for this time of the year!
Wools