My Husband plays the victim and gets other to sympathize with him

[venice girl]

I am in a fairly new marriage of 2.5 years. It is my fourth marriage. My husband was married fifty years to his first wife. She died of cancer 4 years before we met. I only recently realized that my husband is most likely BPD. I have been seeing a counselor for almost a year. My husband has seen a counselor only once and is going again this week for his second visit.  The thing I have the most difficulty with is how he plays the victims and makes other believe that I am criticizing him and that I harass him. He has actually said to me that no one will believe me because I have been married four times... .and he is very good at this. I really don't want to lose another marriage but I also am afraid of the damage that he is doing to undermine my relationships with friends and family. They don't see the side I see. I am writing here because I hope you will believe me. Thank you!

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[livednlearned]

Hi venice girl,

Playing the victim is tough to witness, especially when the behavior is one of them being the bully. And then on top of it, to feel defenseless in the face of what are often false accusations.

What is he doing to undermine your relationship with friends and family?

LnL

[ArleighBurke]

This is normal. Unfortunately.

I would HATE to know the opinion that my my wife's co-workers have of me, based on her "stories"! My only thought is that if a person takes what they hear in a one-sided conversation and completely believe it, then they are not really a person I want to associate with anyway. I'd hope that if they spent 2 minutes with me they would start to question what they've heard.

But I can't control that.