Hi

[Theresa4664]

Hi, I just joined this group to get some help in dealing with my mother who has BPD.  She hasn't been diagnosed with it, but she has every single symptom.  I also feel she has npd as well.  I have been divorced for 5 years and recently married a wonderful man.  Since Ive divorced, its been even more difficult to deal with her.  I feel like I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't.  I feel I have never really mattered in her eyes, no matter what I do, it is never good enough.  I'm hoping to gain more insight about this illness and hopefully gain some good advice.

[Woolspinner2000]

Welcome Theresa4664!

I am glad that you've discovered our online family! You will find lots of support here from members who understand what you have gone through. You'll also discover a wealth of information to read that can be very helpful as you discover more about BPD.

My mom was also an uBPD, and I recently discovered she was also NPD. it's quite a difficult combination no matter how you look at it.   The more you read about BPD, the more you will discover that they will not be changed. You need to do what you can to educate yourself so that you can begin to take care of yourself and step away from her perceptions and projections of who she says you are.

Here are a couple of links the may provide some helpful places to start.
https://bpdfamily.com/content/emotional-blackmail-fear-obligation-and-guilt-fog
https://bpdfamily.com/content/karpman-drama-triangle

How did you first discover that your mom maybe a borderline?

Wools

[HappyChappy]

Hi Theresa4664,

  ":)amned if you do damned if you don’t", sounds about right. And it is very frustrating that our  BPD put us into a no win scenario. I’m afraid its also normal to feel they don’t care, because someone with BPD lacks empathy, so I’m sure you know it’s not personal, it’s not you. But I find it helps to be told that. You’ll get plenty of validation on this website, and a refreshingly non judgemental take on your posts. It is a BPD free zone. So what things are you finding most troubling at the moment ?