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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: I can't understand  (Read 552 times)
helpinghimorme

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 15


« on: November 01, 2016, 03:59:32 PM »

I believe my ex is uBPD. This is the 6th time he has cheated and it is a vicious cycle. When I feel we are finally secure again in out relationship, he cheats. He tells me a million excuses as to why it is justified and my fault. Now he is with her and I am left holding on to the kids who are falling apart and the house we just bought. He tells me he just needed a ring on his finger? It's like he can't turn down advances? Is this crazy? I never understand when this happens and never see it coming! How do I move on?
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fromheeltoheal
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken up, I left her
Posts: 5642


« Reply #1 on: November 01, 2016, 04:31:57 PM »

Hi helping-

How do I move on?

Well, first, if he's cheated 6 times that means you've taken him back 5 times in the past yes?  So what's different this time?  Are you committed to ending the relationship and detaching?

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helpinghimorme

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 15


« Reply #2 on: November 01, 2016, 08:24:01 PM »

He isn't willing to do anything different to help himself. I feel like I just enable him to be so destructive.
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fromheeltoheal
********
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken up, I left her
Posts: 5642


« Reply #3 on: November 01, 2016, 08:53:22 PM »

He isn't willing to do anything different to help himself. I feel like I just enable him to be so destructive.

OK, good self-awareness helpinghim.  If you were going to do exactly what you wanted to do, what would it be?
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helpinghimorme

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 15


« Reply #4 on: November 01, 2016, 09:18:39 PM »

Save him.

But I can't accomplish that, I've tried for 11 years. Now I need to save myself and the kids.
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