Adult child of uBPD mother

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi All.   My first time here. After many years and an escalation of inappropriate, controlling, and verbally abusive behavior by my mother, I have come to believe that she suffers from BPD, although she has not been diagnosed and never will be. She firmly believes that all her suffering and problems are caused by other people, she has very few people close to her (my dad, a couple of friends she does not see often), she has always ended up in conflicts in interpersonal relations (at work, socially, and in the family) and always blamed the other person 100% for the relationship's failure. People she does not approve of are labeled as having "problems." My father appears thoroughly enmeshed. My mother engages in splitting: currently, my husband is all evil, and I am all angel when I act like her but otherwise I am a bad daughter who has been "changed" by the influence of others. Having read up on BPD, participated in other support forums, and spoken with my therapist at length about my mother, I am confident in describing her as uBPD. I look forward to being part of this group... .and I will likely post more specific things as stuff happens... .

[IronButterfly]

Hi All.   My first time here. After many years and an escalation of inappropriate, controlling, and verbally abusive behavior by my mother, I have come to believe that she suffers from BPD, although she has not been diagnosed and never will be. She firmly believes that all her suffering and problems are caused by other people, she has very few people close to her (my dad, a couple of friends she does not see often), she has always ended up in conflicts in interpersonal relations (at work, socially, and in the family) and always blamed the other person 100% for the relationship's failure. People she does not approve of are labeled as having "problems." My father appears thoroughly enmeshed. My mother engages in splitting: currently, my husband is all evil, and I am all angel when I act like her but otherwise I am a bad daughter who has been "changed" by the influence of others. Having read up on BPD, participated in other support forums, and spoken with my therapist at length about my mother, I am confident in describing her as uBPD. I look forward to being part of this group... .and I will likely post more specific things as stuff happens... .

[Woolspinner2000]

Welcome IronButterfly! 

What a great picture your name brings about! To me it speaks of the resilience that a surviving adult child has after being raised by a pwBPD. I get it, because my mom was also an uBPD. They are not quick to admit to any wrong doing as you noted.

It's great that you see a T and that you have been involved in support groups. What form of T and/or support has been most helpful to you, or are they each of help to you? I really enjoy this online family of support for those of us dealing with the effects of a BPD in our lives. There is a lot of super good and educational information to read through. You will also be able to jump in and help others as you share your story and contribute your own experiences to help them.

How long ago did you first learn about BPD? Do you have other family members or siblings who are aware of your mom's behavior? I look forward to hearing more from you. 

 
Wools

[HappyChappy]

Hi IronButterfly,

You are describing very BPD dynamic. One that reflects my BPD family. I know my healing began on understanding my mom was BPD, so welcome to the board. So what events or things are currently concerning you ?