Mother with a personal disorder

[Depression = 72% of members]

Just checking this out.  It is confusing to have a parent who loves you then hates you and seems impossible to please sometimes.  One has to become one's own loving parent and research what healthy boundaries are and not feel guilty

[Sonja111]

Just checking this out.  It is confusing to have a parent who loves you then hates you and seems impossible to please sometimes.  One has to become one's own loving parent and research what healthy boundaries are and not feel guilty

[Naughty Nibbler]

Welcome Sonja111:    

I'm so sorry about the problems you are having with one of your parents.  Is it your mom?  This is a safe place to share more specifics, when you are ready.

You will find that the love you/hate you situation is common, and others who have a person in their lives with BPD behavior, have similar ongoing situations.  We aren't likely to change the BPD person in our life, but we can make things better for us by changing the way we interact and react.

The link below lead to a list of threads with the top questions about BPD.  It might be a good place to start exploring:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=45.0;sort=views;desc

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi Sonja111! 

Welcome to our online family!

You are so very right when you say this:

It is confusing to have a parent who loves you then hates you and seems impossible to please sometimes.

 I completely understand as my uBPDm taught me the same thing. May I roll my eyes with you? In reality of course, it is heart rending and so hurtful. I'm sorry that you've had opportunity to learn this too. It causes one have trouble understanding not only our disordered parent, but also to be confused in other areas of our life as well. Have you noticed this to be true in your life? If so, where else do you see the influence? For example, I often struggle in my marriage relationship with confusion when DH says one thing but does another.

There is a great list to the right which you might find helpful to explore. -----> Where would you find yourself to be currently?

Once again, welcome!
Wools

[HappyChappy]

Welcome Sonja111,

You are on the right tracks with healthy boundaries and avoiding unfair guilt. But healing from a childhood is a bit more complex, as if you were exposes to a BPD for 16 years or longer, there are many base thoughts that may need adjusting in order to get to stage of avoiding unfair guilt, for example. So you could start by posting memories or BPD behaviour you find very difficult to deal with. Or just post confusing behaviour.  By understand why, it helps us heal and better deal with it. So what behaviour or memories are currently frustrating you ?