Urgent Advice Needed

[Depression = 72% of members]

I am convinced that a member of my family has BPD. I am at a loss of how to help her. She cant leave her Ex alone.  I just found out he has just taken legal action against her. She sees her actions as perfectly justified in constantly seeking contact with him. I tried talking to her, listening reasoning ….everything but I am afraid that she feels extremely lost, hurt and victimized. She has told me that she cannot manage alone and needs help from someone.
But I cannot get her to understand that seeking contact with her ex will end bad.  She persists in the desire to elicit some sort of explanation and apology for the hurt and pain she feels.

I feel in my heart that help is necessary fast or our how family will suffer irreversibly. We have gone through years of pain and stress due to the situation described. I spent every waking our reading about BPD and finding an explanation for what has been happening to my family in cycles for years.  In our country there are no specialist in here that even know how to diagnose BPD let alone treat it. Mental healthcare in my country is poor and mental illness very much a taboo.

[Nina88]

I am convinced that a member of my family has BPD. I am at a loss of how to help her. She cant leave her Ex alone.  I just found out he has just taken legal action against her. She sees her actions as perfectly justified in constantly seeking contact with him. I tried talking to her, listening reasoning ….everything but I am afraid that she feels extremely lost, hurt and victimized. She has told me that she cannot manage alone and needs help from someone.
But I cannot get her to understand that seeking contact with her ex will end bad.  She persists in the desire to elicit some sort of explanation and apology for the hurt and pain she feels.

I feel in my heart that help is necessary fast or our how family will suffer irreversibly. We have gone through years of pain and stress due to the situation described. I spent every waking our reading about BPD and finding an explanation for what has been happening to my family in cycles for years.  In our country there are no specialist in here that even know how to diagnose BPD let alone treat it. Mental healthcare in my country is poor and mental illness very much a taboo.

[Kwamina]

Hi Nina88,

It is clear that you care about your family-member very much and are concerned about her welfare and how her behavior impacts your family. Your family has also been dealing with some other significant issues lately which only makes this situation more difficult.

At what point did you begin to suspect there might be something more going on with your sister than 'just' regular problems all people deal with? How long has she been exhibiting what you now believe are BPD traits?

BPD is quite a challenging disorder, yet there are things we can do to improve our interactions with our BPD family-members. To help you communicate with your sibling, I encourage you to take a look at some communications techniques described on this site:

Validation

Express your truth - S.E.T.: Support, Empathy, Truth

People with BPD are often quite sensitive/volatile as a result of their distorted thinking and perception.
These communication techniques can help us minimize the likelihood of further conflict, while maximizing the likelihood of getting through to the other person. They also help us stay more calm ourselves.

I am glad your father survived, though sorry he required such a serious operation. How is he doing now?

Take care and welcome to  bpdfamily

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