first time posting

[emilyelaine]

Hi, I just found this website.  My mother has BPD.  Has always been physically and verbally abusive.  I'm 38 and now my mother is constantly sick and in the hospital (but 1/2 the time the hospital just sends her home because there is nothing wrong with her.  She calls me about 20 x's a day and the entire conversation is just complaints of her health.  She is in the hospital now... .told everyone she had a stroke which of course is my fault.  She didn't have a stroke. Left me the meanest voicemail you can imagine about what a piece of s#$% I am because i was sleeping when she went to the hospital.  Now she wants to move in with me with her two dogs because she doesn't want to be alone (and also wants me to be her slave).  I have a husband and two toddlers.  I've started having terrible panic attacks because I have no idea how to handle her anymore.  She is out of control with her crazy illnesses, the guilt she puts on me i can't even take anymore.  i spent the weekend at her house instead of with my kids and did so much for her, didn't get a thank you, just got yelled at for not having enough time to go to the supermarket before i left.  How on earth do people handle people like this?  I feel like she is ruining my life.  I'm so sad and depressed. can't stop crying.  everyone tells me to cut her off but the guilt of doing that is unbearable.  I feel bad because she is lonely, and uneducated... .and she is my mom.  idk.  i'm hoping someone could help me make sense of this. 

[Jumpy stripes]

Hi, I just found this board also.  I haven't been around to figure everything out yet, but looks like there is lots of good information here.  Hope you and I both find some peace and understanding.  I am figuring out my dad, and contrary to your problem he has stopped talking.  Maybe we could switch parents for awhile! 

[Mutt]

Hi emilyelaine,



I'd like to welcome you to  bpdfamily. I'm sorry that you're going through this. I cam see how your hands would be full with two toddlers and a mom that suffers from BPD. What do you like to do for self care?

I completely understand how toxic emotional blackmail can feel, you're mom is setting unreasonable expectations on and because she has a lot going on internally, she can't put herself in your shoes and think about how her needs impact you as a person.

Everyone's situation is different and what works for one person may not work for the next person. Do what you feel works for you, if you don't to cut her off that's fine, I'd suggest setting boundaries on yourself, don't put your mom's behaviors on your back and if she's being too demanding look out for your needs first and take care of you. I'd also suggest self protection with minimal or controlled contact to give you a buffer so that it gives time and space to recover. You can move the yard sticks around and if you feel like you're in a place where you're stronger emotionally, physically and spirituality you can lift your boundary with minimal contact and implement again when it's becoming too much. How does that sound?