I have a SD12 and her mother (my wife) has uBPD.

I am happy to see this new Board. I was nosing around and then read the first post and apparently this is a Board for step parents who deal with uBPDx's in one form or another.
The reason I am posting is because my uBPDw and I had our major fights over parenting styles related to the SD12, whom I love dearly. The problem is that my uBPDw saw any attempt on my part to establish rules/boundaries/ structure as "controlling" and didn't think I deserved to have a say in my home. Literally I had no voice. I was good enough to pay for the SD, buy her clothes, clean up after her, cart her around, etc., but I had no right to expect that she unload the dishwasher as her only chore, no right to expect that she would bathe and use soap, no right to expect that she not wear dirty clothes over and over and have no right whatsoever to complain about ANYTHING the SD did.
My uBPDw would dress me down in front of the kid and undermine my authority as an adult role model. My uBPDw would never try to work with me or be on the same page. I would have to put up with everything that the SD did or didn't do and just lump it. If I tried to discuss issues she would say " YOU DO NOT LIKE MY DAUGHTER". And then I would find myself JADE'ing and then nothing would be accomplished. TWO YEARS OF PURE HELL. I was an ATM and a caregiver to her SD.
The SD12 wasn't the reason we are separating as much as just the main subject matter upon which no agreement could ever be reached. The SD is actually a pretty sweet kid with issues that her mom refuses to see ( everybody else does though). Money was the other subject matter upon which we could not agree. Basically I had to give and give and my uBPDw had a sense of entitlement that was never-ending. She also felt that she did not have to share that much of her paycheck. Now she has left me holding the financial bag.



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