Confused and hurt

[Duckhockey29]

Been dating this girl for a year and 3 months... .she shows signs of BPD. hasn't gotten help or sees there is a problem... .this is the second time she is breaking up with me... .2 weeks ago she was so scared of losing me and said we should marry... .hinted at this a lot. Then she got angry tooke her stress out on me... .then ssaid she didnt want to break up but its not working... .dhe is unhappy . I asked why ? She couldnt give me anything... .said i was wasent trying and when i brought up the last 2 weeks of her saying marry /never do this to me again she did... .and to make it worse she unfriended me on fb... .blike wrf ? I am hurt and confused... .is am i going to have to deal with this again ? What am i dealing with i love this girl so mich... .

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Meili]

That does sound so very confusing and hurtful! I hope that now that you've found this site that you can learn some tools to help you reduce both.

Most of the time, people who are in relationships with someone who has BPD traits unknowingly escalates the situation. That isn't saying that you are to blame for what is happening though. Dealing with a person with BPD or even just BPD traits (pwBPD) often goes against what we've been taught.

For instance, when the pwBPD tells us what they are feeling, they do not come right out and say it. They project those feelings onto us, generally in the form of accusations and/or rage. In order to help calm the situation the person without BPD or the traits (the non) often times tries to justify, argue, defend, and/or explain (JADE). The non does this hoping that a truer or clearer explanation of the facts will help soothe the situation. The opposite is what actually happens.

If you could tell us more about your situation, perhaps we can help learn healthier skills to deal with it. Many find that it helps to write about what is going on, so we encourage you to post.

It also helps to read the posts of others because it lets you know that you are not alone when you start seeing the similarities.