In almost a yr, I have not seen or had contact with my ex. She knows I have moved on. I know she has moved on and on and on.
There's a knock at the door I started to ignore because It was late. I look and I'm shock to see her. I carefully opened. Speechless just looked at her. She smiles and says"Hi". I said "wassup?" She says " oh I can't come in?" I said I'm expecting company. Blah blah blah.s he pushes her way in. I let her. Asks me about me going NC. I said "just following your lead.". I couldn't look at her for the life of me. I felt like I was sitting with a complete stranger. I can't even remember what she was talking about. I just kept looking at the clock.
Finally she says " are you even listening to me?" I quickly sort of glanced in her direction. I said "yes"... .looked away. Ha. She was wearing a long coat and nothing under. She came over to seduce me. I pretended not to notice and asked her to leave.
I'm not a saint. I would have fell for something like that if I hadn't met the person I'm currently seeing. Besides, I've read all the about exs and other pwBPD stories here for more than a year and figured out why sometimes I couldn't find her when we were dating.
She's trying to make me one of them.
When she met me she was still seeing someone else. Her interest when to me. Did to him what she did to me... .From time to time, I could not get in touch with her a whole day, entire weekends, Would use family to give reasons why she was going away. Probably was in town but with someone else.
I know she never discontinued with some of her ex partners. Even the ones that were just sexual partners. I gather she wanted to make me one of them who every so often she go get whatever it is each individual person provides for her.
Conclusion,
She keeps all of them with deceit. Was my mistake too. In her heart she considers none her partner. Not even my stupid stupid stupid dumb head. Just objects that provide a service for her physical needs. But I'm not available for that. I was with her because i "thought I was special" to her. Like she was to me. But nah! I wasn't and I'm aware of that now. From state to state. City to city. Bed to bed. Means nothing to her. Her excuse is she suffers with BPD.
I'm a recovering fool. And the ones who entertain that crap are fools themselves. Dangerous waters. A closer look at the dot dot dot.
. And the lack thereof, when convenient.
