The Borderline Mother

[RoseOfSharon]

Hello,
I am new here, having found the site googling for resources after reading the book The Borderline Mother.
It was recommended by my therapist (not the first time in life I have been in therapy, this time with EMDR for childhood trauma).
Mother (adoptive) was sectioned under the MHA for the first time 6 years ago, in her 70s. At the time her diagnosis was OCPD, but she is clearly a mix of so much.
Reading the book, I felt every single word about the Witch was mother. Reading the chaoter about the Fisherman husband they generally marry, I saw father.
So I am here to try to understand them more as part of my own healing.

[RoseOfSharon]

I should add that she shows many signs of NPD and I was interested to read on the other BPD site that 25% of people with BPD are also NPD.
While ' labels' never define a person, they can be a useful tool when trying to understand the non-understandable in our midst.

[Kwamina]

Hi RoseOfSharon

Welcome to our online community

BPD is quite a challenging disorder and that is particularly so for the 'Witch' type you mention from the book Understanding the Borderline Mother.

How is your current relationship with your mother? Do you still have contact with her?

Your mother has in the past been sectioned under the Mental Health Act. How is she doing now? Is she still getting treatment?

I am glad you are reaching out for support and advice because it really isn't easy dealing with disordered parents. You were so traumatized by your childhood that you are receiving EMDR. I hope you have found your therapy helpful and that it is allowing you to heal from the abuse.

Take care and I hope to read more from you later

The Board Parrot

[RoseOfSharon]

Thank you for the welcome.
It has taken me until half a century young to realise just how traumatised I was as a child, thanks to a good friend who recognised it in me.
Mother was sectioned for over a year. She was basically refusing to eat, and was putting her life at risk. She was subsequently discharged to a care home for the past 4.5 years, as the hospital decided (rightly) that father could not cope with her at home, could not provide the discipline and regularity in life which she so needs. However this April she decided she would go back home to father. She had put on weight and her mood generally improved through being in the care home. Other than ECT in hospital (under section), and a low dose drug for anxiety, she has refused all other treatment (refuses to co-operate with any mental health professional).
She remains stable at home, but I had a very difficult visit to them in August and have not been over since.
Her coming out of the care home was, beyond any doubt, the cause of my plumetting into a bout of C-PTSD (not diagnosed, but presenting the symptoms, especially flashbacks to childhood abuse of all varieties, and an increased hyper-vigilant state).
EMDR is helping make connections in my mind, but much of my childhood remains a mystery to me, so much buried.
I lived in fear that she would kill me (as she said she could do), a fear still present (though diminishing through treatment, but it will take time).
Although active on other forums, I see there is much here to help.
Thank you

[Kwamina]

Hi again RoseOfSharon

I can imagine how being over at your parents' place could trigger you, especially after a childhood which has left you traumatized.

C-PTSD is quite a serious disorder and unfortunately something many children of BPD parents suffer from. We have a thread here about this subject that you might find helpful:
Dealing with trauma: PTSD, C-PTSD and emotional flashbacks

In that thread we for instance also discuss the topic of emotional flashbacks and the steps we can take to better manage them. Perhaps this is something you can benefit from too.

Take care

[RoseOfSharon]

Thank you. I will visit this thread.