Small update , when will I learn?

[Bigmd]

Happy holidays everyone. I'm approaching 1.5 years after breakup. I'm doing very well I'm in a new relationship and happy for the most part. Thais time last year I was a mess. First holidays without her. Anyway fast forward to the last few months . My exgf would text from time to time. Ask me how I was doing. I'm pretty sure I posted a few updates over the past year but can't seem to find them. She reached out to me over the summer, we spoke on phone and she told me how unhappy she is and pretty much alone. I heard her out and felt bad for her. I wished he well and that was that. Few weeks later she would text me and we would talk. In typical fashion I would respond to a text and she would go silent, only to contact me a few weeks later asking whynimhavent texted her . So one day at the end of the summer she asks me out for coffee. I tell her no I have a gf now. But I said I need to tell her a few things.
             That night while at work I texted her and told exactly how she hurt me and caused tons of pain. She said she was sorry and in a round about way said I was supposed to wait for her. She recalled when we broke she said if we were meant to be then we would be. She said she kept hopes too high haha. I felt a ton better getting that all out. Her bay came and went , I never texted her. A few weeks later she text me asking if she could call me. I say yes and she does. She tells me her daughter got in trouble at college and aske me for advice . We talked and she seemed normal. She asked why i didnt text her happy bday.We joked a bit and she laughed . I followed up the next week to see how she made out. Of course it was a very short answer and that was that. Fast forward to last Saturday , my birthday. She wished me happy bday and said she hopes I'm doing well. So like an idiot I wished her happy thanksgiving only to get nothing in return... .silence. I'm not surprised . I feel fine but wonder why I did it. There was no reason to, I should have learned my lesson. Feel free to interject some advice. Thanks.

[Mutt]

Hi Bigmd,

It's nice to see you back, I'm sorry for the circumstances though.

She asked why i didnt text her happy bday

She's putting her feelers out. NC is not a hard and fast rule, self protection is a good idea, it speeds up your recovery, sometimes we feel like we're in a place where we're stronger and remove that boundary and it can set us back, I think of like guide posts, it's an indicator that you need to self protect a little while longer. I hope that helps.

[Bigmd]

I understand Mutt. I've been asking myself why not at least resond to the Thansgiving wish. But I should know the answer by now.

[Mutt]

Do you feel like the attachment is still there? ( maybe even a little bit ) Do you also feel like you should have been completely detached by now?

[Bigmd]

Yes,I think it will always be there .

[Mutt]

Sometimes there's still an attachment there, there could be a little bit left, it can be alarming how a text can bring up all of these feelings, it's not always a clear path, it can be frustrating with how long it takes to be completely detached. If detachment is a goal, you can make your goal happen, sometimes you need help along the way.

[Bigmd]

Mutt, thanks. I'm sure this will be with me the rest of my life. "the love that never was" but she is damaged and there is no going back. It's amazing how they can affect you.

[lovenature]

Focus on your current girlfriend and try to have a good relationship, only if you can accept that you will never be able to have that good relationship with your ex. will you be able to detach and available for a healthy partner. I know that there will always be a place in my heart for my ex., but I can't help her, and reality has proven that we can't have a healthy relationship.
Just make sure you are ready (detached enough) for your new relationship so you don't hurt this girl, and yourself.