My 25 year old daughter has me worried physically sick i need help

[Midwest Mom]

Hello,
I'm  writing with regard to my 25 yr. old daughter... .To start with a little background info I left her father when she was 5 her siblings were 10 and 12. Their father was using drugs cheating on me left and right and was emotionally abusing us. I found out later her sexually  assaulted my daughter also. Despite all of that. All 3 of children went on to college. To the University of Illinois, none the less... .The boys got their masters degrees and while one struggles to find a job the other is doing very well. Oh and they both graduated  with honors at the top of their class. My beautiful daughter is not without her achievements as well. She got her bachelor's in Theater studies as she wanted to be a theatre studies teacher. She loves to perform and sing and won the Illinois State Fair talent competition.  She was actually approached by a record label.While in her junior year in college she met a boy... .Every mother's dream for their daughter. He treats her like a princess... .supportive in everything she does yet still kept her grounded  (for a while) also he comes from a millionaire background... .for her 21st birthday he took here to Germany for a month so that she could have German beer. We'll come back to him. After she graduated college she moved to Chicago where he was working. She got s job teaching in the south side of Chicago and a year later they moved in together. Shortly after that she cheated on him with another friend from college. 2 1/2 years into teaching she had an emotional breakdown and had to quit the teaching job that she was very good at I might add because she couldn't handle the stress. The boyfriend was still very supportive and told her to take the time she needed to figure herself out. She started going to counseling. After a while she took another job as a theatre director at a museum. Everything seemed wonderful. She said it was her dream job. She started singing again. She started to show a passion for her music again. She started talking about future plans again. However, 9 months later... .she had another breakdown and quit that job. She couldnt handle the stress. Her therapist put her on an anti-depressant and it seems to help her focus. She was diagnosed with high functional anxiety and BPD. For a while she had decided she didn't know if she wanted to live in the city.She has since decided she wanted to go back to her college town with all of her friends 2 hours south of her chicago home. So the supportive boyfriend is willing to pay her commute. Now she drives back n forth.  She splits her time between both places half the week each. Shes working as a waitress. She claims that she has always been passionate about the job as she waitressed in high school and college and loved it. Here is where my heart just sinks. She has started smoking. She has tried marijuana and she has herself another boyfriend in her college town... .a 35 year old divorced man. She claims shes fine. That she has an open relationship with all parties involved.  That she is practicing safe sex. This is not at all the foundation of what I tried to raise. She claims that for the first time she is living life for herself and not for what she worried that everyone wanted for her. What I see is a beautiful young woman with no self respect, goals or motivation. I am besides myself. It would seem that everyone in her life including this "every mother's dream/nightmare" of a boyfriend is an enabler. I feel like Im the only one that identifies this lifestyle as destuctive. Her brothers and I are worried sick. How do I deal with this? I realize I cannot control her I have told her many times that there is nothing in this world that she could do that would ever make me stop loving her. I meant it. I have to say though she is breaking my heart. Please help me. How do I cope when my hands are tied and I cannot predict the future? All I see is lung cancer, od, pregnancy, abortion or worse. I welcome all input. Please.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[livednlearned]

Hi Midwest Mom,

I'm so sorry for what brings you here, and glad you found us. It helps to know you're not alone.

I think we go through a grieving process when we see our kids struggle with mental illness. It's so painful to watch them struggle.

Does your daughter recognize and accept her BPD diagnosis? It sounds like she is smoking pot to help her deal with her anxiety. Do you and your daughter have a good relationship where she stays in touch with you?

What do you see as her main BPD symptoms?