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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: break up. help  (Read 198 times)
lookinghapinness
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1


« on: November 28, 2016, 12:54:52 PM »

This is my I don't remember how much time we break-up before. My exboyfriend can be borderline he have all the characteristics. I feel deep sadness. Why me? I just want a healthy relationship. I felt so injured, damaged, out of control, depressed, anxious, alone. I just want feel better OK. See the sunshine again. When i'm not with him I feel depressed and when I'm with him I feel a false security. I would love he go to therapy with me but he don't want. He don't see this relationship is like hell. I love him. I really love. But I don't want be more hurt. How I can deal with this pain and don't be with him more if he don't take therapy.
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rfriesen
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 478


« Reply #1 on: November 28, 2016, 01:23:17 PM »

Hi looking,

Welcome   to the family. I can hear the depth of your pain and I know this can be a very confusing and difficult place to be in. I've been there myself. Many of use here have. The first step towards calming the hurt can be to learn about what you've been through and what you're going through.

Here are a couple of articles that might help:

https://bpdfamily.com/content/how-borderline-relationship-evolves

https://bpdfamily.com/pdfs/10_beliefs.pdf

Can you tell us a little more about what happened in your relationship? You say you feel alone. Do you have any close family or friends to lean on? You say he won't go to therapy with you. How about going to therapy for yourself in that case? Do you have a therapist?

Seeing a therapist if possible, talking to family and friends you trust, reading and writing here ... .these are all ways that can start, slowly, to lead you out of the confusion and hurt.
Take good care of yourself and show yourself some kindness and love at this stage 
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