pretty sure i got myself in a bad situation

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hi, after 25 years of taking abuse I have had it but managed to let my BPD husband get all control over finances. He left very suddenly and sends me money but not enough to live properly on. He put all property in his name. He has been lying a lot - keeping money that was paid back from insurance, (one of our kids is quite sick) and he has been refusing to pay for medical support for a 22 year old son who is dependent on me (he has lyme and neuropsychiatric symptoms and needs a specialist in USA).  So for 8 months I have been alone and almost unable to leave the house as I cannot leave this kid alone. I have had to see this child suffer and not be able to afford to get him help and my husband now says he will coem home fro xmas and visit with the kids, but that I am not supposed to make a fuss or argue with him. He has used misinformation campaign with other kids saying the Lyme is all in my head (he had a positive test and sweats and has fevers and cannot get out of bed some days)  My husband is playing victim, because the son attacked him physically a few times (when he had toxic reactions to the wrong drugs) and acting like what he has done is justified with the other kids and that he had to leave because I was so obsessed with the illness of this child.  (Of course I am obsessed as the kid needs a proper treatment). Any way as xmas comes nearer and I know I will have to deal with this husband (who drink and can get verbally abusive with me and everyone at times) I feel a lot of anxiety. I dont know whether just to ignore it all and keep a de-stressed environment for everyone, meanwhile try and get my husband to support me and the son's treatment or if I need to contact a lawyer and consider the messy process of divorce. I have opened my eyes a lot to the abuse in the past months and do not think I can ever trust or let this man into my heart again as I see now he is a pathological liar and he is dangerous to my welfare and also abusive to this son who now kind of symbolizes his illness. It s a pretty complicated situation as we are two different nationalities, living in a third country - although were married in Florida. Hmm. What to do? Thanks prettyexhausted 

[prettyexhausted]

Hi, after 25 years of taking abuse I have had it but managed to let my BPD husband get all control over finances. He left very suddenly and sends me money but not enough to live properly on. He put all property in his name. He has been lying a lot - keeping money that was paid back from insurance, (one of our kids is quite sick) and he has been refusing to pay for medical support for a 22 year old son who is dependent on me (he has lyme and neuropsychiatric symptoms and needs a specialist in USA).  So for 8 months I have been alone and almost unable to leave the house as I cannot leave this kid alone. I have had to see this child suffer and not be able to afford to get him help and my husband now says he will coem home fro xmas and visit with the kids, but that I am not supposed to make a fuss or argue with him. He has used misinformation campaign with other kids saying the Lyme is all in my head (he had a positive test and sweats and has fevers and cannot get out of bed some days)  My husband is playing victim, because the son attacked him physically a few times (when he had toxic reactions to the wrong drugs) and acting like what he has done is justified with the other kids and that he had to leave because I was so obsessed with the illness of this child.  (Of course I am obsessed as the kid needs a proper treatment). Any way as xmas comes nearer and I know I will have to deal with this husband (who drink and can get verbally abusive with me and everyone at times) I feel a lot of anxiety. I dont know whether just to ignore it all and keep a de-stressed environment for everyone, meanwhile try and get my husband to support me and the son's treatment or if I need to contact a lawyer and consider the messy process of divorce. I have opened my eyes a lot to the abuse in the past months and do not think I can ever trust or let this man into my heart again as I see now he is a pathological liar and he is dangerous to my welfare and also abusive to this son who now kind of symbolizes his illness. It s a pretty complicated situation as we are two different nationalities, living in a third country - although were married in Florida. Hmm. What to do? Thanks prettyexhausted 

[Mutt]

Hi prettyexhausted,



I'd like to welcome you to  bpdfamily. I'm sorry that you're going through this. It must be exhausting having to take care of a sick child and put up with your H's emotional immaturity. I don't think that compassion is an obsession, I agree with President Obama and what he said about empathy and that people as a whole are in an empathy deficit.

Is your H leaving again after Christmas?

[heartandwhole]

Hi prettyexhausted,

I'd like to join    Mutt in welcoming you to  bpdfamily. I'm sorry that things have gotten so bad in your relationship, and that financially you are struggling. That is very stressful and anxiety-producing. I'm glad you reached out. This is a great place for support, because the members here have been in similar situations and understand what you are going through.

There are also tons of tools and resources to make things better for you and your family.

Do you have friends, family, and/or a therapist whom you can lean on? It's important to rally a lot of support around you; you need your strength for yourself and your son.

Some areas offer free legal advice during certain times. It might be of benefit to check that out in your town or city.

You mentioned an abusive environment and that your husband is dangerous to your welfare. Can you say more about that?

Hang in there. Keep writing and let us know how we can help. 

heartandwhole