Possible to pick up contact?

[Jitox]

Hi, I was wondering.

So my ex-GF clearly has BPD. But I have a friend who has BPD aswell and I can communicate with him freely.
Last time he told me: " I would totally melt for a girl who would go through limits for me"
For example: if we had a fight and in the evening she would sit on my doorstep to talk it out again or cause she loves me. I would be so in love myself. I followed that advise once and then it turned out as he said it would. But now she really shut me out.

So now that we broke up and she clearly doesn't want to talk to me. Blocked communication.
Is it best either way to let her be and wait for her to pick up contact with me again?
Or try to pick up contact with her in some way I know she would love that?

Greets Jitox

[Hisaccount]

General consensus is wait for her.
You are most likely her trigger right now. The switch has flipped, until it flips back anything you do will make it worse.

When I say trigger that means nothing you can do right now is good in her eyes. You open the door for her and she will think you are a door mat. You don't open the door and you are a jerk.

[Lucky Jim]

Agree w/Hisaccount.  Contacting her is like picking up a rattlesnake . . .

LuckyJim

[Mutt]

Hi Jitox,



A person is not the sum of their disorder, they have it, it's a part of them but it doesn't mean that it defines them. That being said everyone that suffers from BPD is a different person, with different personalities, different traits and severity of the disorder. What works for your friend may not work on someone else.

Can you tell us what happened before your exgf stopped communicating?

[lovenature]

Is it best either way to let her be and wait for her to pick up contact with me again?
Or try to pick up contact with her in some way I know she would love that?

Probably best to post this on the saving board, undecided board, or even the staying board.

If detachment is your goal, you need to focus on how to leave her.

[fromheeltoheal]

So now that we broke up and she clearly doesn't want to talk to me. Blocked communication.
Is it best either way to let her be and wait for her to pick up contact with me again?
Or try to pick up contact with her in some way I know she would love that?

It depends on what your goal is Jitox.  If your goal is to be with her, you could try and go get her, realizing that if you're successful she may end up shutting you out again.  Or if you don't want to be with her, not the fantasy her mind you but the real her who treats you the way she did, then detachment may be your best bet.  And in any case, we typically give away a lot of power in these relationships and part of detaching, or even part of being in a healthy relationship, is taking our power back.  Right now she's doing what she wants and you're accepting it; are you doing what you want?