Broke up with a long time girlfriend with BPD

[Aesir]

I recently walked out and ended a very long on and off again relationship. She has never formally been diagnosed with BPD but she displays all of the signs of it. She takes no responsibility for her actions. She is a victim and looks for slights where there are none. She always thinks someone is downing her or trying to take advantage of her. She blames me and others in her family for her failures and how she feels about herself. Very low self esteem.

 She keeps grudges for years and obsesses over childhood events. She is triggered by small and inconsequential things. She starts arguments ridiculing my character over and over again. She also started arguments on the exact same topics even if the topic was thought resolved.  I suppose fighting and blaming me helps her feel better about herself. I could never do enough and in some things what I did do was wrong.  We have broken up before but this time it's for keeps.

I've given a lot of myself in this relationship and have gotten nothing but blame and accusations. I'm not perfect but I didn't deserve that treatment. NO ONE deserves that.  She of course see's her behavior is justified and I'm the person that wronged her. The time came in which I made a choice. Basically  it was that  life is fragile and uncertain and do you know how long  you have left. Do you want spend your life fighting, being on the defensive and unhappy? There is a big gap in my life and it will take a long time for me to recover emotionally from it.

[Mutt]

Hi Aesir,



I'm sorry to hear that. I'd like to welcome you to  bpdfamily.  I can relate with being blamed for everything and being confused because my ex said that I said something and i didn't recall saying that. I went through that for a few years, I just wanted to keep the peace and it was hard to keep patient with the borderline rages, then I started pushing back.

Did you guys have a fight?

[Aesir]

Hi Aesir,



I'm sorry to hear that. I'd like to welcome you to  bpdfamily.  I can relate with being blamed for everything and being confused because my ex said that I said something and i didn't recall saying that. I went through that for a few years, I just wanted to keep the peace and it was hard to keep patient with the borderline rages, then I started pushing back.

Did you guys have a fight?

Yes we did. It was triggered over something very silly and she used it to launch personal  attacks that had nothing to do with the subject.  When she is stressed out about something she acts out. This was a pattern for years.  I've started a few myself but it was mainly due to her behavior. The last fight started out of the blue and caught me unprepared for a argument. I just got tired of fighting.  I realized anything negative that goes on in her life she would lay at my feet.

[Mutt]

That's frustrating when someone is going off topic and attacking you.  Why is she stressed?

[Aesir]

That's frustrating when someone is going off topic and attacking you.  Why is she stressed?

She has financial problems. Which I fully understand but can't really help her with right now. This is just the latest crisis though. Whenever she is depressed, which is all of the time. She used me as a scapegoat. What's unfair is that if I behaved the way she did I would be labeled abusive and wrong.  A lot of the times I was put in  damned if I do, damned if I don't situations.