Introduction | Saving a Family After BPD Wife's Infidelity

[Mike82]

Hello,
My name is Mike and I'm here desperately trying everything to dig deep and rekindle the love lost from my wife's infidelity.  Though her affair happened early-2015, I only recently found out about it.  We have an awesome 3-year old girl and I don't want her to come from a divorced family.  In our hunt to figure out "how" my wife could cheat, we were able to discover that she has high-functioning BPD that became much worse after having our daughter.

My wife is in DBT and Talk Therapy and is trying, however this is not her first affair.  She had two emotional affairs prior to us being married, and then the recent affair which was extensive/traumatic.  I'm hurt, heart-broken, angry, etc. and just hoping there's others out there like me.  I'm at the brink of divorce and just don't know what else to do... .

Please help... .

Mike

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Mutt]

Hi Mike, 



I'm sorry to hear that. I completely understand how you want to keep the family unit together. Affairs are tough. My ex had an affair too, and there's a lot feelings associated being cheated on, betrayal, trust issues, anger. Bad news good news is at least she's trying, many members don't have a pwBPD that's in DBT, their undiagnosed or refusing therapy.That being said, have you talked to a T ( therapist ) ? What's your support network like with friends and family? Hang in there.

[Riess2015]

Mike, sorry to hear about this.  In in a similar situation right now with catching my wife in an affair 3 months ago and trying to sort it out while protecting our 21 month old son.  It's great news that there is acknowledgement of BPD and that she is in therapy.  My best advice is to go to a therapist yourself to talk through issues and feelings.  Right now I am seeing a separate therapist and we jointly see another. I also seem to be more clear headed after a 1 on 1 session.