Sister visit/golden sister

[Forever to Roam]

Two of my three sisters recently visited, the first time I have seen them in eight years. It went surprisingly better than expected, though it was disconcertingly hard to fight falling back into my old role of prideful, know-it-all older sister. Both of them were less (blatantly) judgy than I had ever expected, and I was more comfortable with them than expected.This is great - I really hope to build on this into better, more solid relationships with each of them.

Now, from what my youngest sister said, it sounds like our mom (who I'm NC with) is angelfying her. I'm afraid for her, because I've been there. When you're on a pedestal the only direction to move is down, and she expressed that great fear of disappointing mom. I know there's nothing I can do for her but let her know I'm here when she needs me. And, this is incredibly vain, but she is the sister who looks most like me, so I kind of wonder what's going on in mom's head there. I'm also wondering who mom's current scapegoat is.

I'm aware none of this wondering does anyone any good, and I'm working on focusing my mind in things I can affect. I'm open to your thoughts, though really I just needed to express this concern to those who may understand it.

[Turkish]

8 years is a long time not to see them,  but I'm glad the meeting went well 

It sounds like you fear your youngest sis entering the same role you were in,  the one which resulted in a lot of pain and you going NC with your hermit mother. It sounds like she's opened up enough with you to express that she feels something isn't right. 

She's an adult,  free to make her own choices.  However,  this sounds like an opening where you can be the wiser, older sibling.  The trick is not to alienate her.  Can you just listen and validate at this point? Ask questions without judging?  It's a way to build trust,  because without trust,  she likely isn't going to listen to you.  The desire to fix or save may be strong,  understandably, but one thing builds upon another. 

[Sunfl0wer]

Now, from what my youngest sister said, it sounds like our mom (who I'm NC with) is angelfying her. I'm afraid for her, because I've been there. When you're on a pedestal the only direction to move is down, and she expressed that great fear of disappointing mom. I know there's nothing I can do for her but let her know I'm here when she needs me.

This may sound lame, idk... .

Currently I focus on "Allowing" things.

Keeps me from getting over invested in the outcome.
Often I have a tendency to... .
feel responsible
Want to fix
Want to solve stuff

Over 40 now, feeling a bit old (sorry others older, just do feel old)
And realizing, in all the times I tried to make an outcome
Impose myself in the guise of helping
Martyr myself in some way

I have to say... .
Really never made too much of a difference in the eventual outcome other than I found myself distracted from myself.  Found myself frustrated and more wanting something than even the person I was supposedly helping.
Kinda realized,
 while it appeared selfless,
really is not,
really was serving me in some way,
that something I was distracted from needed my attention more than my distraction object did.

So this idea of
Allowing I ponder

Instead of trying to work myself into a participant for a solution to someone else's problem that I identified for them unbeknownst to them... .

I am working towards expressing options and realities I see and just allowing them to exist.  Watch them. See if anyone looks to gather and pick them up... .Or do they turn away.

Meaning, I try to find a way
A non noxious way
To express options
And just leave it alone
Then watch if something may become of it
If someone will engage about it or such

Hope something is relatable in the odd ramblins

All I know
Is existing the way I am
Allowing that
And allowing others to exist how they are
Seems more healing than when I try to alter things for some concept of a greater good.