How to stop salt from rubbing my wounds?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I'm in a difficult situation with ex friend with BPD.  Although she has gone NC with me, she still coaches my daughter and still has contact with my husband.  Games, events and usual housekeeping of sport keep her in the family loop.  It's been very challenging to move forward in healing because she's not out of my life completely.  A holiday party is coming up and it's bringing me further down.  My family is welcome but I am not.  I remain black   

Anyone have any miracles they could share to make progress in healing?  I can imagine how difficult it is for those of you who have children together.  My heart goes out to you.

This too shall pass, right?  BTW, changing coaches isn't an option.  My daughter loves her and team.

[jammit123]

I'm in a difficult situation with ex friend with BPD.  Although she has gone NC with me, she still coaches my daughter and still has contact with my husband.  Games, events and usual housekeeping of sport keep her in the family loop.  It's been very challenging to move forward in healing because she's not out of my life completely.  A holiday party is coming up and it's bringing me further down.  My family is welcome but I am not.  I remain black   

Anyone have any miracles they could share to make progress in healing?  I can imagine how difficult it is for those of you who have children together.  My heart goes out to you.

This too shall pass, right?  BTW, changing coaches isn't an option.  My daughter loves her and team.

[Julia S]

Do your family understand about this person's mental condition and how she is hurting you? If not I would show them reputable online resources, or even better have a counsellor or therapist explain to them. There is a very real danger your friend will tell them lies about you and will be so convincing they'll believe them. They really need to know how BPD behaviours are directed at different people, and they really need to understand that they should support you.

[jammit123]

No, Julia, they do not know.  My daughter is too young to understand and my husband has no sympathy or tolerance.  He's fed up with the situation and is already frustrated with the fact that he has had to take over all contact with her.  He is on my side and is not a fan of pwBPD but he doesn't want to hear about it and gets mad when I start talking about how hurt I am.  I have no support system except for my therapist and this board.  

I've already seen a few signs of her trying to manipulate him into believing I'm the one with the problem.

[Julia S]

In that case, is there any way you can tough it out and be the one to take your daughter to sports practices? At least it would give less opportunity for your husband to fall under her influence. Maybe your counsellor could help you with dealing with the encounters.

[once removed]

if youre not willing to sever contact (change coaches) your options are somewhat limited.

A holiday party is coming up and it's bringing me further down.  My family is welcome but I am not.  I remain black   

thats pretty petty and id imagine a breach. does your family plan to attend?

this may help to spot the drama, and avoid it: https://bpdfamily.com/content/karpman-drama-triangle

[lovenature]

I have no support system except for my therapist and this board. 

I don't either, there is no way for anyone who hasn't lived through a BPD relationship to ever fathom it; most commonly family and friends only cause more pain by invalidating us.

I would suggest you look at the overall picture to decide what is best for you and your family; try listing the good vs. bad in the different ways you can go, for both you and your loved ones. I know it's not easy, take it one day at a time.