Mum on destructive mode

[Boxy82]

Hi not sure what to right really, from as early as I can remember my mum has had depression several break downs! But was the constant not knowing with her one minute she loved me more than life yet she will lie to people vaout me what I've done, said etc her stress was my fault ! I would after abnormal row at 13/14 have a knock on door and be an aunty telling me how they are her and I've caused this made my mum upset !
I myself now suffer anxiety ! My counselor had told me to emotional distance myself from my mum!
Who over the last year done lots to cause problems to basically ruin my life , 'marriage and friendships I have!
Recently she has accused me of stealing called my dad ( they split when I was 10)
Calling me an evil b___ !
I am struggling so hard as to why she would want to hurt her only child this way !
Help

[Naughty Nibbler]

Welcome Boxy82:   

I'm so sorry about the situation with your mom.  Has she ever received any therapy or meds for her episodes of depression?   How is your relationship with your dad?  What did he say about the false accusation of steeling?

Unfortunately it is common that people with BPD (pwBPD)  SPLIT someone and paint them black (all bad).  Many times they will do a spear campaign, and like with you and your aunt, they triangulate with others and cause more drama.  You can read about the Drama Triangle at the link below:

https://bpdfamily.com/content/karpman-drama-triangle


It will be helpful for you to read about FOG (fear, obligation and guilt) and BOUNDARIES. There are links to is a lot of helpful information to the upper right of this post.  The additional links below could, also, be helpful (click on the green words, or the green address):

FOG
BOUNDARIES

What was going on at the time your mom falsely accused you of steeling?  Did she have some stress or change happening in her life? 

[Boxy82]

Hi thank you for response wasn't sure how to reply so did in this quote thing ?
I am 37 mum and dad spilt 27 years ago my dad had an affair and is still with my now step mum.
My relationship with my dad is good now is wasn't always she would lie about things he said or did as a child u believe her only as an adult I now know wast the case. She has had many therapys etc only now is BPD coming out!
She has always manipulated with money by giving it me but last year realized she then was telling people I was robbing her. This coincides with me starting counseling. I strteded to pull away as it is so draining and I just can't handle it any more as the manipulation she uses is just so draining. The poor me and things so hard etc.
She also moved into a new house that should of helped her but as now I can't just whiz in as she is further away from me.

[Naughty Nibbler]

HEY BOXY82:

Hi thank you for response wasn't sure how to reply so did in this quote thing ?

The "Reply" button is towards the top right (above the first post in a thread) or at the bottom right of the page (a bit below the last post). 

My relationship with my dad is good now is wasn't always she would lie about things he said or did as a child u believe her only as an adult I now know wast the case.

You will find that others have had the same experience.  It's so sad when one parent lies to their child about the other parent.  The natural thing for young children is to believe what a parent says.  I'm glad that you have a good relationship with your dad now.

She has had many therapys etc only now is BPD coming out!

BPD can get worse with age.  Sometime it can be related to some life stresses and events that happen with aging, or just related to certain events and stresses/changes in general.

You might find this article on lying by Randi Kreger interesting:
Why Do Narcissists and Borderlines Lie So Much?

The decision to limit or cease contact with a borderline is personal.  The one thing to remember is that you can always change a decision.  You can't change their behavior, and generally when there might be a lull in the storm of their behavior, it is just a matter of time until there is another dysregulation and unpleasant event.  The thing that you can control is how you interact and react and your boundaries.