Looking For Support

[Miss Please]

For as long as I could remember, I've always been a people pleaser, a placator, an enabler, a mediator. It wasn't until I began graduate school did realize where the origins of this were from... .my mother. The woman that gave birth to me, the woman that raised me, the woman that I'd give my life for... .is exactly the same person that I feel has been depleting me of life. I'm 25 and I'm in need of support from those who "get it".

Sincerely,

Miss Please

[HappyChappy]

Hi Miss Please,

People on this website do get it , assuming your parent had a personality disorder. And being a people pleaser is a common outcome of such an upbringing. So welcome to the forum. There are many tools available through this site to help you heal from your upbringing. Many tools to help better deal with the BPD loved one in your life. Probably the best way to start is just recount any particularly troublesome memories you may have, or an current difficult situations you find yourself in. The good thing about people with personality disorders is that their behaviour is more predictable than most, so however bizzar their behaviour, someone on this forum will probably have had a similar experience. So if you feel comfortable sharing, we’re happy to support that.
 

[Fie]

Hello Miss Please,

A lot of us will be able to relate. Me too, my mum is BPD.
Can you tell us a little more about yourself ?
Are you still studying ? Living with your mum ?
How is your relationship with your mother now ?

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi Miss Please! 

Welcome! Thank you for coming and sharing an inkling of your story with us. When you feel comfortable, we'd love to hear more. This site is a safe place for you to share, and you will definitely find commonality here among our members.

I too have been a pleaser all my life, not able to say 'no' to hardly anyone, or if I did, I'd be so afraid that I'd get in trouble for saying, 'No.' How do you feel when you want to say no but cannot? Does it cause you to feel angry, afraid, scared? Anything you are feeling is okay. You are officially allowed to have feelings here!

Have you taken a look at the Survivors Guide to the right side of this page? ------------->>>>>> It is really a great place to start. When you click on a #, an explanation of the # appears with some very helpful and validating words. I visited that list a lot when I first started coming here. Just know it is not a linear process, for many of us go forward and back as we begin to discover and understand the effects of a BPD parent in our lives.

I'm going to post a link here for you to check out about one of my favorite books, one of the very first I read about BPD that has been a bible of sorts to me: Surviving a Borderline Parent
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=68021.0

You will find a lot of understanding here from others who have been through this discovery, just like you.

 
Wools