First post

[Our abuse recovery guide]

First post here. For a little background. My mom has always been different. I suspected she had Munchausen by proxy due to the way she always treated me,used me for attention due to taking me to the DR. even when I really didn't need to go.  My dad was always busy and not around much. They didn't get along the best. The older I got the more I tried to get away from her. I eventually got married and had a child. Fast forward to the last few years. She wound up in the hospital with cancer. She pulled through and had to go to a nursing home for a while as she recovered.

Eventually she went home and had home health to pay her visits. I asked them to do a Alzheimer or dementia. They came back and said she didn't have either but she did have borderline. After this I read the book called "a child called it" . It reminded me a lot of how she treated me mentally as a child but not physically. My sister was the one who abused me at times physically. One time when I was about 3 she put me in a pen with a wild bull. I had a cousin who got me out before the bull got to me.

With that said I finally had an idea of what I was dealing with. So I read anything I could on it. I learned how to deal with her better and how to not let her manipulate me. Recently she fell but did not break anything. One of my uncles called me about it and I told him I was dealing with an estate and was tied up. I told him this time I was not able to help. I knew she was being taken care of and I had all I could deal with this time. Then many of her siblings started in on me. When she can't manipulate me she then gets her siblings in on it. I stood firm this time.

They told me that I was the only one who could do something since I was her child, I knew better as I had already checked into it. I got a lot of fear,obligation, and guilt thrown my way all my life and they tried hard this time. This time I had to step aside as I was having to spend all my time dealing with the estate I was dealing with. I recently got the book mentioned here about the borderline mother. The book a child called it made me realize I had a unusual childhood and this book helped me understand why she was the way she is and also many of my family members. I suspect that a aunt and uncle may have it and the others are manipulated by them. One of my moms cousins is even a serial killer who got caught in the last 20 years. He was even profiled on the crime tv channels.

With that said I don't show symptoms of it. I do have a lot of stress caused by the constant stress of their antics. My Dr has even told me to get them out of my life due to the stress causing health issues. When my child was growing up I watched myself and was cautious to not do her like I was. The biggest thing I think I need to do now is to learn how not to have these stress,panic or anxiety attacks. Due to the estate mess, and relatives fussing at me over her I am stressed to the point I shake and almost black out at times. The worst of the estate is done and she is home now. But I am dealing with the aftershocks so to speak of the stress that is lingering. Sorry for the long post but its good to get it off the chest.   

[willyintn]

First post here. For a little background. My mom has always been different. I suspected she had Munchausen by proxy due to the way she always treated me,used me for attention due to taking me to the DR. even when I really didn't need to go.  My dad was always busy and not around much. They didn't get along the best. The older I got the more I tried to get away from her. I eventually got married and had a child. Fast forward to the last few years. She wound up in the hospital with cancer. She pulled through and had to go to a nursing home for a while as she recovered.

Eventually she went home and had home health to pay her visits. I asked them to do a Alzheimer or dementia. They came back and said she didn't have either but she did have borderline. After this I read the book called "a child called it" . It reminded me a lot of how she treated me mentally as a child but not physically. My sister was the one who abused me at times physically. One time when I was about 3 she put me in a pen with a wild bull. I had a cousin who got me out before the bull got to me.

With that said I finally had an idea of what I was dealing with. So I read anything I could on it. I learned how to deal with her better and how to not let her manipulate me. Recently she fell but did not break anything. One of my uncles called me about it and I told him I was dealing with an estate and was tied up. I told him this time I was not able to help. I knew she was being taken care of and I had all I could deal with this time. Then many of her siblings started in on me. When she can't manipulate me she then gets her siblings in on it. I stood firm this time.

They told me that I was the only one who could do something since I was her child, I knew better as I had already checked into it. I got a lot of fear,obligation, and guilt thrown my way all my life and they tried hard this time. This time I had to step aside as I was having to spend all my time dealing with the estate I was dealing with. I recently got the book mentioned here about the borderline mother. The book a child called it made me realize I had a unusual childhood and this book helped me understand why she was the way she is and also many of my family members. I suspect that a aunt and uncle may have it and the others are manipulated by them. One of my moms cousins is even a serial killer who got caught in the last 20 years. He was even profiled on the crime tv channels.

With that said I don't show symptoms of it. I do have a lot of stress caused by the constant stress of their antics. My Dr has even told me to get them out of my life due to the stress causing health issues. When my child was growing up I watched myself and was cautious to not do her like I was. The biggest thing I think I need to do now is to learn how not to have these stress,panic or anxiety attacks. Due to the estate mess, and relatives fussing at me over her I am stressed to the point I shake and almost black out at times. The worst of the estate is done and she is home now. But I am dealing with the aftershocks so to speak of the stress that is lingering. Sorry for the long post but its good to get it off the chest.   

[Naughty Nibbler]

Welcome Willyintn:  
I'm so sorry for all you have been through with your family.  That's a lot of stress.

When she can't manipulate me she then gets her siblings in on it. I stood firm this time.

Good job with staying firm with your boundary!

I do have a lot of stress caused by the constant stress of their antics. My Dr has even told me to get them out of my life due to the stress causing health issues. When my child was growing up I watched myself and was cautious to not do her like I was. The biggest thing I think I need to do now is to learn how not to have these stress,panic or anxiety attacks.

I'm going to throw out some ideas for you on things to do to manage your stress.  

Have you read any self-help books? You might be interested in these two books:  The Worry Cure by Robert Leahy and The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris.

You might try some of the things at the links below.  Choose something from the options below and give it a try.  

10 JOURNALING TIPS
www.tinybuddha.com/blog/10-journaling-tips-to-help-you-heal-grow-and-thrive/

12 minute Thought Stream Meditation with Dr. Mike Dow
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N0Lo5tUXkVI

Finding Alternative Thoughts
www.dbtselfhelp.com/FindingAlternativeThoughts.pdf

Breathing: Three Exercises - Dr. Weil
www.drweil.com/drw/u/ART00521/three-breathing-exercises.html

MINDFULNESS EXERCISE - FROM BOOK" HAPPINESS TRAP"
https://www.thehappinesstrap.com/upimages/Informal_Mindfulness_Exercises.pdf

What do you think about some of the above ideas?  Try a couple and let us know if they are helpful.

[willyintn]

Thanks for the suggestions. I will look into them and try to find the books. As far as the stress and such it should ease up. The estate was my wifes mothers place and we have had to deal with others in the family.The good news is we were able to buy the land around our house and get the items my wife wanted . Now we are just waiting for the house to be sold. We had to even pay my mother in laws funeral costs but should get that back after the house sells.  We plan to set up a mini farm and enjoy life to the fullest.  I have bookmarked this post so I can look up the info you gave when I get home from work.

[Naughty Nibbler]

Hey Willyintn: 

As far as the stress and such it should ease up. The estate was my wife's mothers place and we have had to deal with others in the family. . .

The good news is we were able to buy the land around our house and get the items my wife wanted.  We plan to set up a mini farm and enjoy life to the fullest.  

Sounds like you are heading for a good outcome.  Hope you can start taking some time for yourself and manage your stress.

Handling an estate or trust for a deceased relative can be very time consuming and stressful.  I've been in the middle of dissolving my parent's trust with my uBPD sister, as co-trustees.  Sharing joint authority with a person with BPD traits, steps the stress up a few levels.

[willyintn]

I am actually feeling better today. I have been stressed to the point it has been making me physically sick. I have been listening to youtube videos of music with Alpha waves in it for stress relief. This has really relaxed me and allows me to relax. Years ago I had been married a few years and my mom came over trying to force me to go to court and testify for her. Her and my dad decided to get a divorce. Basically she wanted me to say things that never happened. She came at me so fast and hard I physically went limp and couldn't move. I could hear everything but could not respond. It was like my mind rebooted like a computer. I don't know but I suspect I had some kind of mental breakdown or something.

Since that time I do not handle stress from people fussing or arguing. I will be glad when warmer weather gets here so I can do some work on our new land/mini farm . We plan to have a few animals and enjoy the place. I have decided after reading the borderline mother book I am finished with all the grief my family puts on me. I feel like if I get pushed to the point of my mind doing that again and blacking out I might never come out of it. I am totally mentally exhausted from the years of the guilt trips and the like. So its time for me to take care of myself for a change.

[Naughty Nibbler]

 

I have been listening to youtube videos of music with Alpha waves in it for stress relief.

I have a mixture of audio recordings.  I have some of the Alpha waves mixes and some guided meditations.  Some I've purchased, but others I found on YouTube.  I used a free online download utility to download them to my computer and then upload them to my Ipad of phone.  Handy to have options without an internet connection.

Take care.  Hope your holidays are relaxing and enjoyable.  You have a lot to look forward to with your mini farm.