Confused

[Michelle7]

I am confused and looking for clarity and support. I am married, 35 years, to my husband. We have had a very good life, for the most part, until 8 years ago when his business suffered with the economy and never recovered. The financial stress caused him great stress and turned into a major depression that has lasted for over 8 years now. He is stuck and can't move on. We have been in chiseling over this time.
He goes to counseling separately now. The counselor said he would not say he has borderline personality disorder, but that is not to say another counselor wouldn't say he does. The counselor also has the book "Stop Walking on Eggshells" on his coffee table on and off for these 8 years. I found this group in the book.
My husband has many of these traits over these years with his depression. I don't know what to do.
I do think he has BPD and I would like to make it work, but need to take care of myself in this. I could use insight in how one does this.
Thank you

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Mutt]

Hi Michelle7,



I'd like to welcome you to  bpdfamily. I'm sorry that you're going through this, 8 years is a long time to be in a depressive mood and I can see how it would take a huge emotional toll on you. Here's a new article on why P's are reluctant to diagnose, it's a lengthy read.

‎Why Psychiatrists are Reluctant to Diagnose - Joel Paris, MD

Many of us have loved ones that are undiagnosed, my ex wife is undiagnosed, I can't diagnose her, only a professional can do that. What we can do is look at borderline traits, once we know what the traits are we can begin to understand why our partners behave the way that they do and we can have boundaries for toxic behaviors.
‎
I'm glad that you decided to join us, you'll find members here that can relate with you, it helps to talk to a T concurrently with a support group. It helps to share our experiences with others, you're not alone.

What traits are you and your counselor observing / discussing?