Diagnosis + Treatment
The Big Picture
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? [ Video ]
Five Dimensions of Human Personality
Think It's BPD but How Can I Know?
DSM Criteria for Personality Disorders
Treatment of BPD [ Video ]
Getting a Loved One Into Therapy
Top 50 Questions Members Ask
Home page
Forum
List of discussion groups
Making a first post
Find last post
Discussion group guidelines
Tips
Romantic relationship in or near breakup
Child (adult or adolescent) with BPD
Sibling or Parent with BPD
Boyfriend/Girlfriend with BPD
Partner or Spouse with BPD
Surviving a Failed Romantic Relationship
Tools
Wisemind
Ending conflict (3 minute lesson)
Listen with Empathy
Don't Be Invalidating
Setting boundaries
On-line CBT
Book reviews
Member workshops
About
Mission and Purpose
Website Policies
Membership Eligibility
Please Donate
October 31, 2024, 06:03:57 PM
Welcome,
Guest
. Please
login
or
register
.
1 Hour
5 Hours
1 Day
1 Week
Forever
Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins:
Kells76
,
Once Removed
,
Turkish
Senior Ambassadors:
EyesUp
,
SinisterComplex
Help!
Boards
Please Donate
Login to Post
New?--Click here to register
Depression = 72% of members
Take the test, read about the implications, and check out the remedies.
111
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
> Topic:
disappeared -I think?
Pages: [
1
]
Go Down
« previous
next »
Print
Author
Topic: disappeared -I think? (Read 370 times)
loulou3
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 3
disappeared -I think?
«
on:
December 26, 2016, 04:10:12 PM »
Hi- first time on here and needing support, validation and understanding; along with hearing I am not alone in this situation.
I believe my new husband of only 9 months has BPD. We dated 2 years before getting married and it was rocky then; however I believed the promises and had hope God could restore the brokenness.
The normal was i would say something very minor and it set him off and he claimed I was abusive. For example, i asked for him to write something down to remind me as I was preoccupied at the time and was afraid I would forget. I owned my position and I apologized that i was unable to focus on his things for me to do, I was then told I was grumpy and demanding and he left the house and did not speak to me for two in half days. This was and is our normal.
I believe since we have been married he has maybe spent a total of 60 nights with me. We have two homes so he uses his home as an escape. Threatens divorce all the time, jealously, controlling, abusive verbally and blames me for every flaw in our relationship.
Well after taking so much that I can take, I finally went to a counselor and he said I was a codependent and needed to stand firm in my boundaries. So I did, Stating that the threats of leaving, divorcing me and the abusive behavior will no longer intimidate me and I would distance myself when i felt verbally abused.
Needless to say that did not go over well. This was before thanksgiving and he hasn't been back.
We verbally committed to therapy but he persuaded the therapists that is was me who was insecure. Well yeah i am insecure- when a man isn't home night after night, threatens divorce weekly and that he'll find love else where why wouldn't i feel insecure. I finally had the courage to share with my friends and family about my roller coaster life with him and they all said he must be cheating. he has always sworn he would never do that, but with so many absences and little clues here there i started to question his loyalty.
this created more problems. Now he's out of town with his children in another state for christmas, has removed our married status on his fb and i will probably receive the papers this week.
I get why he is this way because he was being sexually abused as a child and I have compassion and forgiveness for him because I am a devout Christian and love the Lord and wants whats best for him and his salvation. I guess i struggle today because my part in our demise seems so trivial. I never cheated, lied or reacted back, I would immediately apologize and own my part, correct my "mistakes" and try to be better at snuggling, communicating, attention-geez everything i would try to improve. If i was to reflect on our communication, I was always failing him. He made me tell him I loved him a zillion times and would ask me to repeatedly "tell me you love me" - this became annoying and creepy.
Logged
loulou3
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 3
Re: disappeared -I think?
«
Reply #1 on:
December 26, 2016, 04:12:52 PM »
anyway I need help and strength please. I am devastated embarrassed and sad how someone can just disappear after so many promises.
Logged
jonmnemonic
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Separated
Posts: 91
Re: disappeared -I think?
«
Reply #2 on:
December 26, 2016, 04:32:17 PM »
Welcome to the board loulou3. I'm glad you found us and will find a lot of support and information here.
I know first hand how hard it is being a Christian and going through a situation like this. Sometimes you have to lay your marriage on the alter and let God handle it. It doesn't sound like there's anything more you could do and your best efforts were never good enough for your husband. Romans 12:18 is a good reminder of what our responsibilities are and aren't. Take heart in knowing that God works all things together for good to those that love Him.
Stand firm in your boundaries. It can seem counter productive based on your husband's response, but it's still the right thing to do. Giving in to his "craziness" only serves to enable his bad behavior. Pray for your husband's salvation and for God to be merciful to him. Take care of yourself and surround yourself with people that care about you and let them in on what's going on.
Logged
Circle
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 517
Re: disappeared -I think?
«
Reply #3 on:
December 26, 2016, 04:32:26 PM »
Welcome to bpdfamily. Keep reading and posting on here. It helps to not only wait for replies to your own posts, but also to read other's posts and reply. From what I've read, many times situations like this develop from being co-dependent. We tolerate this bad stuff from others, because we think they need support. We don't stand up for ourselves, because we lack strong boundaries of what we won't accept from others.
It's tough when you are in a culture that places so much emphasis on marriage. Maybe your own family is full of people who haven't been divorced. It doesn't make you a bad person because you are with a personality-disordered person; a definite possibility that they have a cluster-b disorder. Here is a link to Mayo Clinic's page on the subject. You might find a fitting description for what you are dealing with. You can google more from there. And, of course, find more, if you dig around in bpdfamily.
www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/personality-disorders/symptoms-causes/dxc-20247656
Hang in there! Keep posting. Keep reading. Keep replying.
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?
Pages: [
1
]
Go Up
Print
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
> Topic:
disappeared -I think?
« previous
next »
Jump to:
Please select a destination:
-----------------------------
Help Desk
-----------------------------
===> Open board
-----------------------------
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
-----------------------------
=> Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
=> Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting
=> Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
-----------------------------
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
-----------------------------
=> Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD
=> Parent, Sibling, or In-law Suffering from BPD
-----------------------------
Community Built Knowledge Base
-----------------------------
=> Library: Psychology questions and answers
=> Library: Tools and skills workshops
=> Library: Book Club, previews and discussions
=> Library: Video, audio, and pdfs
=> Library: Content to critique for possible feature articles
=> Library: BPDFamily research surveys
Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife
Loading...