My sister w/BPD is oblivious to her issues and it's damaging her daughter.

[AMJT]

I have been reading about BPD for months and have finally decided to reach out. My only sister was diagnosed with BPD years ago after being admitted to the hospital for a suicide attempt. She is also very OCD. She is 35 and lives with her 14 year old daughter in my parents basement. She thinks the world is out to get her. She also feels very entitled and thinks everything is someone else's fault. She is very intelligent and after many years she has finally graduated college. But she refuses to work because she can't find the perfect job. So, she just begs my parents for money and if they say no, she will manipulate until she gets her way. She pulled her daughter out of school last year because she couldn't deal with it anymore. The outside world is "germy" to her and couldn't even bring herself to go to the school to talk with teachers. So my poor neice sits all day in the basement with her mom. She isn't allowed to have friends or even go upstairs to see grandma during the day. Anytime she leaves the basement apartment she becomes 'germy' and will need to bathe when she gets home. One day a package arrived for my sister and my mom mistakenly opened it. My sister flipped out. Screaming, yelling, police had to be called. All because the contents of the package were now 'germy' and needed to be thrown away and she didn't have money to order replacements. I can't tell you the number of times she has thrown away things that belong to her daughter because they have become contaminated. She uses cases of rubbing alcohol monthly to de-germ everything they come into contact with. She will only allow my parents into the basement to use their own washer and dryer for a few hours on saturday. After they are done, she completely douses the area in alcohol to get rid of their germs. The entire house (my parents living portion) smells heavily of it for the next day or two and I can't bear to be there. So, I just don't visit on weekends.  I am heartbroken that I don't have a sister. Every year or so she will become friendly and it will feel like I have my sister back. But it doesn't last very long and always ends with her blaming me for her problems and then ignoring me for months. I am so tired of being jerked around. I had such a wonderful Christmas, but then Christmas night my mom calls to say that my sister is freaking out because I'm facebook friends with someone she wanted me to unfriend. She is a bully. But if you try to tell her that she's the proboem, she just cries that everyone hates her. My parents are so fed up with her but are afraid if they put their foot down she will kill herself. It's so sad that her daughter is being raised by someone so out of touch with reality. But we feel lost as to what to do? I have finally decided that I had to set boundaries to protect myself and my children from her. I have as little contact as possible. I know this is kind of dis-jointed. I'm just feeling so sad and helpless and was grateful to find a place where people know what I'm going through! Has anyone successfully gotten their BPD family member to recognize they have a problem and get help?

[Naughty Nibbler]

Welcome AMJT:  
I'm so sorry about the situation with your sister.  Sounds like a bad combination, to have both BPD and her level of OCD.  How has she gotten away with pulling her daughter from school?  Is someone home schooling her?  I don't know where you live, but in the US, you can call Child Protective Services and make a complaint (perhaps an anonymous one).  That may be the only road to change.  

The link below leads to information about domestic violence and suicide prevention.  In one section, you will find information about a Safety Plan.  Check it out.  You may want to share it with your parents, so that a plan could be developed on how to handle your sister.  Perhaps they could get a therapist to assist.

SAFETY
SAFETY FIRST- CLICK HERE

A Safety Plan might need to include calling in the police, to deal with a suicide threat or domestic violence.  Your sister could then be taken to a medical facility and evaluated (without her consent).  That might be the only hope of her getting help.  Some meds and therapy could benefit her.  The future seem rather bleak for both her and her daughter, if she remains the way she is.

The link below can be helpful.  The website has information for the family of suicidal people, as well as actual suicidal people.  If you are in the US, calling the phone number can lead to gaining some support over the phone.

SUICIDE PREVENTION
www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

I'm thinking that some measures needs to be taken to protect your niece and her future.  :)o you think you might be able to help coach your parents with this?  If nothing else, perhaps you could make an anonymous call to whatever child protective organization applies to where you live?

[GaGrl]

Is your niece being properly home-schooled?. If not, this could be leverage to get CPS involved in a way that will release your niece from an untenable situation. The description of your sister's obsessions are extreme.