Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
July 11, 2025, 01:40:10 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Experts share their discoveries [video]
99
Could it be BPD
BPDFamily.com Production
Listening to shame
Brené Brown, PhD
What is BPD?
Blasé Aguirre, MD
What BPD recovery looks like
Documentary
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: behaviour when drunk and sober  (Read 716 times)
jo19854
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 143



« on: December 29, 2016, 12:06:45 PM »

When she was drinking (until she had blackouts) she raged at me, then cried, hugged and then pushed me away.
After she got sober in 2010 she did well, the rage was gone and it was getting better and better.
Over time she got more silent and depressed (i believed from a chemo treatment she had in 2013 and begin 2014). But silent and apathic. She didnt drink a drop. Sometimes a harsh remark out of the blue, for instance when i said i loved her , she responded ... .pfff

In the last months it was a lot of silence and it seemed like contempt while i helped her with her treatment and all.
Who has experience with heavy drinking behaviour followed by sobriety? Just thinking, was it borderline or what did hit me? (Wife left almost 3 years ago when i was at work, moved back to USA and ive never heard or seen her ever again)

Just cant get it!
Logged

One day at a time
Portent
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 208


« Reply #1 on: December 29, 2016, 01:10:24 PM »

For me it was the opposite. When my wife is drunk her good side comes out. When she is sober the walls are up and the demon is in control.
Logged
Pipedreamer25
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 121


« Reply #2 on: December 30, 2016, 01:02:29 AM »

Hi Jo,

Your story sounds exactly like my experiences.  My exdBPDbf's BPD seemed to disappear when he was sober and he tried very hard to be sober.  When he drank he was terrifying, rages, rants, then the crying and hugging and pushing away exactly as you said.   He was soberish for about eight months then had a massive relapse which is when he left and he became truly scary.   I'm still having a hard time seperating the alcoholism from the BPD.  Alcohol just made him so terrifying but without it sometimes he would be resentful and cold but mostly okay.  It's just messes with your mind so much.  I hope you're doing okay.
Logged
lovenature
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 731


« Reply #3 on: January 01, 2017, 06:42:55 PM »

I found that the alcohol just intensified my ex.'s behaviours. Many people show their true colours when they loose their inhibitions. Huge difference though between actual reality intensified, and a PWBPD's reality based on their current emotion of the moment! Thought
Logged
cbm419
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 134


« Reply #4 on: January 01, 2017, 09:13:48 PM »

Usually he became much more manageable, loving and less labile when he was drinking. This became almost embarrassing toward the end, where I would actively HOPE he would start drinking. It would always snap him out of a dissociative episode and bring him back to the loving, somewhat childlike state where he was the easiest to manage.

Ironically this was when I got completely sober. So here I am, successfully recovering alcoholic , offering to buy or pour my BPD a glass of wine.

This summer it was a major theme. He would get stuck in his non-raging but unchangable anger state. I would just say let's go get dinner and drinks (for you). It almost never failed at helping the situation. Again. Embarrassing. I would be sitting there at 1pm desperately hoping, on the inside, that he would uncork his white wine.

On the rare occasion it would backfire and the alcohol would fuel the demonic state. Oh boy. Watch out. I'd get beat on relentlessly and screamed at with zero limits.

He also liked marijuana, it didn't really fix his mood. But if he wanted to smoke and it had to wait for any reason, he would become so crabby and difficult.
Logged

Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!