Pushed to the point Divorce seems like a better option

[BigDreamer]

Hello All,

We recently found out that my Wife has BPD. We have been to the brink of Divorce a couple times and I have tried everything in my power to not go that way. Before we found out about the Disorder, i was so confused. I thought I was going crazy, believe that I had a horrible memory recall (I did have a TBI), in  never ending battle with emotions that were "made up". Constantly having to convince my spouse that I DO love her and im not leaving. Going through the, "If you just loved me the way I need I wouldnt be like this. Why is it so hard to love me? Why do you even stay with me? If you think theres something wrong with me you better go get your self checked out. God forbid that I actually have an emotional day, which happens when your left taking care of the kids and running the house by yourself, because it always triggers her emotions then were left in a fight because her emotion are always more important than mine. I have have ever single important day this year ruined because of my spouses BPD. I keep considering divorce because it is so taxing, but then I think of if my spouse got cancer or something I wouldnt leave her why would i leave her now? Am i wrong in thinking this? I mean i feel like a single parent. Besides work, my spouse does not help with the kids or the house and there is always an excuse as to why. I am begining to lose faith that things will get better. Its been rough the entire 7 years we have been together, now Im looking at up to 10 more years of the same crap until things are "normal".

What are some helpful tech to cope or help them recover?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Tattered Heart]

Welcome to the board. Sadly, there is nothing you can do to change your pwBPD. You can only change yourself. Many of the things you do to change yourself may (but not always) change hte way she reacts to you. Living with someone with BPD is very tiring and emotional. It drains you of all energy and like you said, important days or exciting events have the fun sucked out of them because the pwBPD has difficulty in letting your attention go elsewhere.

To the right there are many lessons that you can begin reading through. These lessons will teach you all about BPD, how to take care of you, validation, and other techniques that can help. THe key to getting help is that you have to stop making things worse. These lessons can help you stop what you are doing to add to the conflict (Yes, us nons have some of the blame).

Hope you can find comfort and support here.