Aspergers Mother turned to BPD?

[Depression = 72% of members]

 My mother is seriously mentally ill. She blames me for everything that has happened since childhood. We fought bitterly after about age 12 because I wanted nothing more to do with her. She says I stopped brushing my hair and went internal, but honestly my daughter was recently diagnosed with Asperger's and while I'm not diagnosed - I am probably even more of an Aspie than her.

My mother blames me for everything and overreacts to everything it seems. It's all about her. No understanding of her own relation to how she affects others. She would show up at the school and blow up at me in front of others if I ever did things normal children do. (get into mom's clothes, skip school or get into trouble). On the otherhand I have showed up at my daughter's school mad as a hornet over how she's being bullied or they have treated her. Is that normal? I get very Mama Bear, but am getting better as my daughter was undxed with autism for so long.

Some time ago I realized I was starting to act like my mother and realized I had stopped smiling - I kept hearing my mother's terrifying mean voice in my head. She calls me names instead of working things out and nothing is ever good or enough for her. She acts as if she loves me SO much, "I have done SO MUCH for you (and she has), but you NEVER appreciate it." And I do, but must I bleed for things that other people give willingly and lovingly to their children?

 Today we are afraid to pick up the phone bc if we do I or my daughter will say or do something to piss her off and "Can't we just have one holiday you don't ruin?" "Your friends sure don't act like this to their mothers." Unhappiness. Sadness. Raging.

She has started to really slip and is caring for my enabler dad with dementia. I had to call Adult Protective Services on them bc she has some major health issues, takes Prednisone and is so hurtful. Tonight she actually said my moves to retaliate against them by calling APS were actually a good thing as the social worker was a wealth of knowledge, but this is my last chance to go to a mental home on their dime and my last chance with them... .and I am scared that if I don't get outside help for them I'll end up charged with theft if I try to help them now. Or with CPS complaints filed against me. I live 90 miles away and have my hands full with my daughter.

I think mother might have Autism that with sensory issues that went untreated so long that it turned to BPD. Does any of this sound familiar? I just refuse to even respond to try to put me in a mental home. What is this? And why is this happening? Her mental state has really gone down hill the last couple of years, but I had to help my dad out as if not for him who knows what my mother might have done to me growing up. Though he did enable her often. There's a nursery rhyme she would frighten me with as a child, "There was a little girl, who had a little curl... .RIGHT in the middle of her forehead. When she was good... .(soft voice) she was very, very good. But when she was bad (LOUD VOICE) SHE WAS TERRIBLE!" Reminds me of her so much.

I hope this makes sense. She will not get help and it's always ME with my "bipolar disorder" that I was misdiagnosed with and have had a doctor change to anxiety and major depression.

[hermojo]

 My mother is seriously mentally ill. She blames me for everything that has happened since childhood. We fought bitterly after about age 12 because I wanted nothing more to do with her. She says I stopped brushing my hair and went internal, but honestly my daughter was recently diagnosed with Asperger's and while I'm not diagnosed - I am probably even more of an Aspie than her.

My mother blames me for everything and overreacts to everything it seems. It's all about her. No understanding of her own relation to how she affects others. She would show up at the school and blow up at me in front of others if I ever did things normal children do. (get into mom's clothes, skip school or get into trouble). On the otherhand I have showed up at my daughter's school mad as a hornet over how she's being bullied or they have treated her. Is that normal? I get very Mama Bear, but am getting better as my daughter was undxed with autism for so long.

Some time ago I realized I was starting to act like my mother and realized I had stopped smiling - I kept hearing my mother's terrifying mean voice in my head. She calls me names instead of working things out and nothing is ever good or enough for her. She acts as if she loves me SO much, "I have done SO MUCH for you (and she has), but you NEVER appreciate it." And I do, but must I bleed for things that other people give willingly and lovingly to their children?

 Today we are afraid to pick up the phone bc if we do I or my daughter will say or do something to piss her off and "Can't we just have one holiday you don't ruin?" "Your friends sure don't act like this to their mothers." Unhappiness. Sadness. Raging.

She has started to really slip and is caring for my enabler dad with dementia. I had to call Adult Protective Services on them bc she has some major health issues, takes Prednisone and is so hurtful. Tonight she actually said my moves to retaliate against them by calling APS were actually a good thing as the social worker was a wealth of knowledge, but this is my last chance to go to a mental home on their dime and my last chance with them... .and I am scared that if I don't get outside help for them I'll end up charged with theft if I try to help them now. Or with CPS complaints filed against me. I live 90 miles away and have my hands full with my daughter.

I think mother might have Autism that with sensory issues that went untreated so long that it turned to BPD. Does any of this sound familiar? I just refuse to even respond to try to put me in a mental home. What is this? And why is this happening? Her mental state has really gone down hill the last couple of years, but I had to help my dad out as if not for him who knows what my mother might have done to me growing up. Though he did enable her often. There's a nursery rhyme she would frighten me with as a child, "There was a little girl, who had a little curl... .RIGHT in the middle of her forehead. When she was good... .(soft voice) she was very, very good. But when she was bad (LOUD VOICE) SHE WAS TERRIBLE!" Reminds me of her so much.

I hope this makes sense. She will not get help and it's always ME with my "bipolar disorder" that I was misdiagnosed with and have had a doctor change to anxiety and major depression.

[Turkish]

Hi hermojo,



I'm glad that you found us for support. There's a lot going on here,  and I'll begin backwards from your intro post.  

You say that you had a doctor change your Dx. Can you take it at face-value that you may have been misdiagnosed earlier?

Even if you weren't (though I'd certainly believe your current doctor if I were in your place), what your mother has said to you is cruel.  :)o you really believe than she can send you to a mental institution? This seems completely off the wall,  and effectively impossible of she tried.  

What concerns me is what you said about CPS allegations.  I'm getting from you that you need to back away in order to distance yourself from her possibly calling.  Has she threatened this? To me as a patent, the threat is unacceptable.  

Who knows what your mother has been saying to APS. Their purview involves the elderly.  Have you talked to them since then?

Turkish

p.s. My son was recently diagnosed add ASD1, what they used to call Asperger's

[HappyChappy]

Hi Hermojo,

So sorry to hear you’ve had to deal with all this. I would echo Turk, in that people can threaten all they like, that in itself is unlikely to change much. One way to slow a BPD down in that manner is starve them of information.  Become boarding, just acknowledge what they say, don’t react to it, don’t give any sensitive information out (medium chill).
Do you think backing away for now, may be helpful ? Its also worth noting that bi-polar, BPD, PTSD and ADS1 all share some symptoms and are often comorbid, and hence can be miss diagnosed. But if you focus on the symptoms, that doesn’t matter. So what have been the most challenging symptoms for you ?