She finally set her Instagram to private.

[Shedd]

She finally set her Instagram to private. Won't be posting on here as much anymore. She has had her Instagram account for years and just now set it to private after I posted that about her on this website? Makes me think she is patrolling this site and spying on me.

It makes me sad because that was the last bit of her life I could see and now it's gone.

I'm a little worried she's spying on me. Perhaps, my name isn't so discreet.

Is there any way to change your name on here?

[fromheeltoheal]

What leads you to believe she's visiting this site burnerin?  It's common for members to wonder whether their ex is seeing what they're posting, although with 75,000 members, 3 million posts, anonymity and the fact that many posts say very similar things, members don't get found here, except in the odd case that someone tells their ex about this site and their username, for whatever reason.  We take anonymity very seriously and we want all members to feel free in their expressions, as we all heal together.

Detaching includes a letting go, a letting go of the past and hope for the success of the relationship, so could you consider her making her Instagram private actually a good thing, if the goal is detachment?

[Shedd]

so could you consider her making her Instagram private actually a good thing, if the goal is detachment?

Yes, but she's had her Instagram account for YEARS. And now. has finally set it to private? It seems a bit strange to me.  Which is why I think she's read my posts on here.  I got in trouble on this site and I'm not exactly sure why, but she could be the reason? Idk though. Now it has me paranoid.

[Hisaccount]

It does sound paranoid, but you are smart and I think you have reasons we cannot see to believe that.

For me I have questioned it a few times, but I know my ex well enough that she could not resist saying something to me, or creating a fake account to screw with me here.

Deep down I believe you know, but does it really matter? What is the end game? getting back together with her?
I hope not. You know that is not good for anyone.
Gone through the same things. I deleted my ex from everything. I decided for me, it is better just to ask her something rather than me sitting around speculating.
Basically I don't want to know anything about her or what she is doing unless she tells me herself.
That way my mind doesn't wander where it shouldn't.

[earlyL]

'I decided for me, it is better just to ask her something rather than me sitting around speculating.
Basically I don't want to know anything about her or what she is doing unless she tells me herself'

I have just come to this realisation as well, I sadly read some stuff of my partners that I shouldn't have and it has caused me so much pain. We all say things in a moment and need somewhere to vent, but I agree, you can read too much into something and over analyse, it is hard, but I want to only know things that she wants to tell me, otherwise I end up in more pain.

[heartandwhole]

Now it has me paranoid.

The chances of being found out is next to nil, unless, as FHTH says, she has your username and knows that you are using the site. I understand the worry, though. I had it, too, but in all my time here have never felt that pwBPD or anyone else has "discovered" me.

Perhaps an experiment: stop posting for a few days and see what happens, burnerin?

Then come back and tell us what you think.

Here are some good tips when you are feeling paranoid:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=59369.msg764385#msg764385

heartandwhole

[ynwa]

I know you are feeling the "burn" of another piece of loss, your heart drops. It sucks. But it passes,and you have to tell yourself it will pass. I myself know it is going to suck when it happens to me. Even when I change my own status.  I'm not ready, don't know when I will be. And I will post here when it happens.

Thank you for sharing it with us. 

You are safe here.  We know what it's like to have those moments.

[Skip]

I have to point out the irony of this thread... .you are upset that she is spying on you and found out you are spying on her and even more upset that she made changes so that you can't continue to spy on her but want to change your name so she can't spy on you.  

Just a few things... .

1. Members often report losing access and read into it. There are many reasons people change passwords and social media access - could be the new year, could be that she thought she changed it and didn't realize she didn't, could be that she purchased ab app about "who is spying on me", could be something happened to a friend or hers or she read and article... .

2. She knew you had access. Its possible she wants to post some things that she doesn't want you to see.

3. We have never has a member randomly found by a partner here. When we track these back, its always because we told them or left a computer available to them.

I get the sadness that this was a form of contact that kept you connected and it makes you sad to lose it. Just one more degree of separation.

You might also want to ask yourself, though, was it really connection at all or were you just grasping at air. You many also want to ask, "didn't it bother me at some level to be spying and now that is resolved". Many of us faced this day and face these complex realities.

Hang in there.

[antelope]

I broke up with my BPDex about 3 years ago (relationship was about 3 years long), and the temptations of social media are well understood by me, b/c I was OBSESSED with checking on them both   
her new guy LOVED social media, instagram, facebook, and was big into selfies (selfie stick pics everywhere), and very meticulous updates of what they were doing... .kinda immature behavior for a 40 yr old man, but that's a topic for a different day (he's a BIG narcissist)... .

I tortured myself looking, and realized that this was keeping me STUCK.

Social media, esp. if it's being kept current, will keep us nons guessing and putting all sorts of stories and scenarios together in our heads that will do NOTHING but keep you STUCK, and away from reality.

One day, he went private on instagram, and I blocked facebook for over a year.  This was the period of greatest recovery for me, b/c it kept me grounded in reality. 

Social media is what you make of it, and if my BPDex and I had a running social media life during our relationship, people on the outside would've believed we were the happiest couple ever, instead of two people just barely tolerating each other.

As others have said, see this turn to private instagram as a blessing. 

Eliminate these people from your sight, and let them pretend whatever they want, it's better for YOU in the end.

[unsureuncertain]

I agree with the others that not knowing updates via social media will ultimately help you in the long term, though I know the short term pain quite well.

[talks to angels]

Shedd I feel your pain. I wouldn't give this site up if it is helping you. (As long as your safety isnt an issue) I agree with what others have said about social media. Instead of looking at her blocking as bad, have you thought of blocking her too? I think as long as I had the link to peek on mine. I was hurting myself. Trying to figure out if he was happy with his new love. It was not healthy for me. I decided to block him and any link to him. Even though he had blocked me on fb first. I wanted to take my power back and if/when he decided to unblock, he would not be able to access me. The only way to move forward, is to not look at the past.