How do I tell my older sister she has BPD?

[mingyming]

I'm 2 years younger than my sister and I've been seeing a therapist for about 5 years now. About 3 years ago, my sister was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder by a psychiatrist. Just a few months ago - (instead of the usual brushing off "oh it's her bipolar there's nothing I can do" - I finally decided to take steps to understand her because of how her actions were negatively affecting and overwhelming me. I quickly realized that every single one of my immediate family members (and her significant other) were being affected in similar negative ways due to my sister's actions. I opened my eyes to her behavior and the affects it has had on me and my family members and went into detail with my therapist about all of it. Of course my therapist cannot absolutely diagnose my sister with BPD as she has never met with her, but with all of the knowledge I've gained from my therapist, my experiences, and reading abut BPD, I'm certain my sister suffers from it.

MY QUESTION:
How do I tell my sister that she has BPD?

I understand that if I were to just come right out to her and tell her, I would have to time it right (AKA at a time where she isn't already triggered). But I'm not sure if that's the best way to do it... .
Please help  I feel that she needs to understand herself better in order to understand the effects she has on her family.
Thank you

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi Mingyming! 

I'm glad that you've reached out to our family here. There is a lot of helpful information to guide you in your new found discoveries about the possibility of your sister having BPD. Bi polar is definitely a diagnosis that often goes along with BPD. Are there any other behaviors that stand out in your sister which you think are of great concern?

I can understand your desire to try and let your sister know about her BPD, especially since her behavior is affecting those around her. I am curious as to your purpose in wishing for her to know.  Is it because you wish for her to be aware of what she's doing so she will change and be nicer? With my uBPDm, I often wished for her to be aware of how much she was being hurtful, especially so she would change. However she never did. It's such a sad thing that BPDs are typically not willing to change.

It's wonderful that you are looking to educate yourself about BPD though.  What types of things have you learned so far that will help you in your interactions with her? I would like to direct you to the  section on the right about BPD which is a great beginning place here. -------------->> >>

I look forward to hearing more of your thoughts!

Wools

[DPN3]

I can relate to your post. my BPD sister flat out told me she was diagnosed BPD, but I see very little change in her. In fact she goes on wrecking havoc wherever she goes. I wonder how to talk to her about it, or if I even should. I would love to hear from a member who HAS tried to discuss the topic with their BPD, and how it went. I wonder if she's trying to educate herself on BPD, or if she's sloughing it off. My main motivation is concern for her kids. she claims to care about them,but actions show otherwise. 

[wantyousafe]

I'm wondering the same as you.
I think mysister is BPD, she ticks a lot of the boxes.
I really want her to get help because she's now 60 years old and her future looks a bit grim unless she gets herself sorted out,but... .
I haven't got the courage to suggest anything although I have said that she should get counselling help in dealing with parental issues!
I've bit my lips about things she's done until she tried to hurt someone quite maliciously; too late, blocked feelings come out much worse.
I'm also wondering how much a BPD can be helped at her age.
Perhaps we can only be there to firefight.
 

[madmoxxi]

As a rule of thumb, don't tell someone who hasn't been formally diagnosed with BPD themselves that they have BPD. It will make her angry and act out. You can say, hey, I'm getting help and it's really helping me. You should try, too!
I suggest reading the maker's of this website's book,  Stop Walking on Eggshells. Very good.