stbxwBPD, cheated, rebounding, and child question

[VeganButEatMyMea]

Cliffs version... .my STBXW cheated on me while back home visiting family, split me black, already on the rebound guy 2 weeks after D-day.

Now this was all out of the blue. Under 12 hours before the cheating occurred she was texting/calling me about our future, how she missed me, loved me... .blah blah. So I have uncontrollable feelings towards her, I hate her, miss her, love her, etc.  

I have our son. She moved out after D-day. I don't call/text or anything towards her. I'm listening to my mind which says she's broken, I'm better off, and she did me a favor.  But my heart (or the withdrawal chemicals in my brain) get a HUGE jolt when I see her.  She watches my son sometimes when I'm at work to save on babysitting cost. She never asks me about anything other than items related to our son... .if she does I ignore her.  I try to not even look her disgusting way (only because she cheated, she's quite attractive).

I need tips! This is going to be my reality until I leave for my new job maybe 7 months down the road. Thanks!

[Turkish]

This sounds very hurtful to deal with to say the least... .

It sounds like she's detached somewhat from your son as well.  What are your feelings regarding custody in the future.  Or are you still thinking of trying to keep this intact somehow,  your family? 

Is a pain, but it's necessary: start documenting everything,  even if it's short journal entries,  keep it factual. It can be admissible in court later if it comes to that.  I never had to use this,  but I did it just in case.

I get still being attracted.  I'm three years out and occasionally still have such feelings.  It's hard. 

[VeganButEatMyMea]

Thank you for taking the time Turkish.

Yes it's painful but finding these boards has helped me understand her actions.  I never knew she had BPD, the relationship and her actions through the the entire relationship are BPD to a T and I'm most likely codependent. 

We've agreed to joint custody, she'll keep him during the school year and with me for the summers. With my new job it will be impossible (at his current age) to care for him myself.  Where I'm going I will not know anybody, I can be scheduled up to 60 hours a week within a 24/7/365 operating schedule. He's autistic which is another hurdle.  He'd be growing up for the foreseeable future with hired help around the clock if he were to stay with me. She is a nurse and works 3 days a week and has family and friends in her home town which she "tells me" she plans on moving back to... .idk what her true plans are now that this new guy is in the picture.

Only way I'd consider taking her back is if she gave me the "I made the biggest mistake" speech AND agreed to therapy.  Otherwise I'm moving forward... .I really have no choice. After D-day I became a stranger to her... .like our 4+ years was nothing. When I see her she's as happy as she can be with her new single life, no remorse and not a care in the world.