I lied

[adamjohn]

Hey everyone. It's been awhile since I have been here but now I really messed up. A few years ago my wife, who I believe suffers from BPD, was going through a bad spell. We were on the brink of divorce and in anger- she threatened to take the kids away from me. I got scared and felt I had no control and opened a PO Box and bank account without her knowing. My parents would send me an extra few bucks and they wanted me to use it to it take care of myself because I give everything to my wife and kids. Anyway- I never took money away from my wife and kids but I had a few extra bucks in case I had to get a hotel room or even to buy needed medical suppies that she would complain were too expensive. We went to counseling and things got better but- I forgot about the PO Box. She knew about the account just not when it was opened as I told her it was for my job. Well... .she found out the whole story as I am not a liar by nature and couldn't handle keeping the lies straight or deal with the stress that goes with it. She is saying she is not sure she wants to be with me anymore. I get that I betrayed her trust but, I feel she is taking advantage of my mess up and using that as an opportunity to start getting her digs in. I told her that my mistake did not give her free reign on treating me like crap. I don't know what to do or think right now.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Meili]

I'm sorry that you've had to come back.

Are you and your wife still in counseling? If so, has this issue been discussed with your counselor?

Nobody, BPD or not, likes feeling that they were lied to or that things were hidden from them by someone they love. But, for someone suffering from BPD traits, these emotions can be heightened and more intense.

Are you validating the valid part of her feelings without validating the invalid reasons for them?