My daughter with BPD died by suicide . I need help in understanding why.

[A maze]

I am so sorry for your loss.  As a parent of a soon to be 18 year old daughter, brilliant and beautiful also diagnosed with BPD, I feel like there is a part of each of our children in each other's stories.

Also, I recognize the pain and desperation in us, parents, who have tried so hard to find answers to questions we have and solutions to unexplainable difficulties, all the while unable to make peace with the idea that we do not have the capacity, be it even with all the love that we have for our children, to hold them in our arms and say, truthfully that it will all be OK.  Unfortunately, this aweful disease has robbed that from us.

My heart goes out to you.  Love each other, your husband and yourself and the family around you as well.  That is all you can do for now.  Care for each other and love with all the love that you have.

xoxo
Amaze

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Fie]

Hello Rkmom,

How have you been feeling the last few days ?

[Mary Liz]

I am so sorry for your loss.  Your daughter sounds like a remarkable woman.  My own daughter is suicidal and has attempted suicide.  I live daily with the fear I will miss a cue, say the wrong thing or someway trigger an emotion that will take her back down the dark side to death.   However, I know that ultimately she must want to live and she must want to do the hard work to learn to live with her unique and beautiful if difficult life.   
I hope that you will forgive yourself and find peace in knowing that she did know you loved her.   

[Rkmom]

Fie, Wools, heartandsoul,
Thank you for having me in your thoughts. I have been okay on days and not so on others. It's been a while since I visited the site. The internet in my neighbourhood had been down.


Mary Liz, I understand your fear and I am so glad that you have a strong belief that your daughter will find the strength and will to live. I hope that she finds something that brings her immense joy, which will want her to go on. That was what I wanted for my child. Thank you for this message. You are a wonderful person to think of me when you are going through a really tough time.


A maze,
Thank you. The past few weeks as I look at the photograph of my daughter which I have opposite my bed and after my imaginary conversations with her I look back and go through my mind what all happened. Sometimes, I understand that I really had no control over a lot of things. But in truth, I should have had control over myself.
I really hope you find the patience on difficult days to get past the problems and on good days to really enjoy your daughters company which I pray should be many.



 

[heartandwhole]

Hi Rkmom,

You are in our thoughts.   I wanted to share a resource with you that may help as you grieve this terrible loss. The article answers a lot of common questions and offers Internet resources specializing in recovery after the suicide of a loved one.

Just a note: the word "recovery" in this context does not mean "getting over it."  From the article:

"Recovery is a process of learning to deal with each day’s challenges. It is adding coping skills, and to getting to where you are living with your grief rather than only grieving."

Recovering from Suicide Loss

I hope it helps. 

heartandwhole

[heartandwhole]

How are you doing, Rkmom?