Hi artietripp,
I'd like to welcome you to bpdfamily. I'm sorry to hear that, I can understand how painful it is when our gf or wives are dating others in the open. I can relate with your story.
Our relationship, however, began to nosedive. She seemed permanently pissed off at me. We'd gotten engaged about a year ago, god knows why?
As you probably already know, splitting is a primitive defense mechanism for a pwBPD that protects the ego from anxiety and stress, intimacy triggers the disorder. At the onset of the relationship we were put high on a pedestal and the fall can be long, a pwBPD will split people that they care the most about black.
I still loved her I suppose because I was always waiting for the overwhelming love and tenderness that she was capable of giving me.
Many of us on this board including me wanted our ex partners to return to that idealization phase.
Its not the thought of her with another man, It's being treated with utter contempt and hate that is so hard to take.
It sounds like you were a pretty good provider for her when times where lean for her, I can see how that would hurt when vitriol is directed our way, it's heart breaking when the person we loved the most turn into the person that hate us the most.
I'm glad that you have found us, you'll find that you'll fit right in here, I encourage you to write and to check other threads around the board, you'll probably see many things that you can relate to. Read as much as you can about BPD, you'll quickly see the benefits and become proficient over time
From idealization to devaluation - why we strugglePS You'll find the lessons on the right side of the board