Not sure if my spouse is suffering from BPD and need help and support

[Elseybee]

I am seeking any advice and help. I believe my spouse is suffering from bioolar, narcicistic or borderline. He refuses any consideration toward help of any kind and is in denial of any issues. We live a long distance relationship due to work issues and see each other about every two months but communicate frequently via phone or text. We are both 60 and have been together for 7 years. The attraction and love seems to build the closer it is to our getting together. He cannot get enough of my company... .compliments, loyalty, dreams about our future, deep love, laughter. Then without warning... .sometimes overnight, he snaps and I become the enemy. It starts with a more quier, unattached demanor and I actually see a huge change in his facial expressions. His body language becomes purposeful and irratic... .walking and talking rapidly. He begins to pick at me and if I reacr, the  the demeaning bullying begins. He taunts for hours on end to the point where I emotionally break down which repulses him more. He threatenes divorce and accuses me of everything as my fault. He zones in on my family and children and tries to convince me that they dont see how awful I am. This will go in for a day or so until he heads back to his job. Most times he leaves abruptly without any connection or remorse for his behavior. I will get the silent treatment for a week or so then the calls and texts start... .do you still love me? I miss you... .
This pattern is repeated almost exactly during every visit. I have a psychologist friend who suggested he been seen for a borderline dx but he wont even consider that anything is wrong. He is very well respected and successful at his job and uses that as his leverage. And quite honestly, I dont know how he doesnt slip up there but it seems to only be with me. His siblings have warned me early on that something has always been off but the family is not close. I am at a loss. Any inout would be so greatly appreciated.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Five28]

My wife is a BPD but refuses to acknowledge anything is wrong. They don't get better and it's a lifelong condition. You need to decide if this is the life you want to lead. You can learn how to minimize his outbursts that are caused by something you do or your reaction to it, but you will not be able to control when they happen. I've been hanging on for 36 years now. If I could do it over again I would not knowingly choose a spouse with BPD. Wish you the best. This site is great and full of wisdom and knowledge.

[WifeInOz]

Hey Else!
  My husband is a borderline and after reading what you said I am pretty sure yours does too honey.   Like the other poster says, they dont get better , with treatment they can learn to manage it. My husband refuses to go for any help either. He also says "look at how well respected I am in my job!" Unreal that they can keep it together for work but take it all out on us. There is another thread on here that I started about the work/home dynamic of the BPD man. I think it is entitled "He's a SOB at home but great at work" or something like. People on that thread gave me alot of advice. I hope you find alot of resources here, these people on these boards understand and are great.

Julie