When I did start to ask questions this is what has been said to me from the professional world:-
I met an old doctor who had retired and we spoke to each other.The doctor said I want to ask you a question and I want you to be honest,she said "you're mother has changed you know what I mean,hasn't she?" I replied "O yes" and the doctor then said "you're mother was rotten to the core,just no good." Needless to say I was in shock.but at least I knew it wasn't me.
I was now 37 and after weeks off an intensive argument,that seemed as if it would never end.I contacted my doctor via the phone and she said "I'm well aware of your mother.She is psychotic,psychosomatic and has a personality disorder.My advice to you,is to get as far away as possible.before you become as big a mess." That was it
In another situation I went over to the surgery and was in a very unstable mood after weeks of arguing,the doctor saw me first.She came into the room sat on her table and said "M. I don't like what I'm going to say,that is.I would like you to break all contact with your mother for at least six months" again,that was it.
I knew in my heart what they wanted and that was to break my mother. I owned the house we both lived in so what was I to do.No help,no one to talk things over with!
Apart from the doctors I had never spoken to anyone face to face about my difficulties.My union in conjunction with the company I worked for, set up a mechanism whereby they would have a councilor from the social services If anyone needed this service.It would be private between the councilor and yourself,they would supply the time and a place for the meeting. I requested a meeting and this was quickly set up, I was to meet J. and we were given an office for privacy.
Mr J. went through the preliminaries and then asked what I wanted to talk about.Remember I was living in world war three every day off my life since my fathers death 20 years prior... When Mr J. asked this question I felt myself starting to shake as I was talking.So I lit up a cigarette by now I was vibrating, all this emotion locked up inside me for over 20 years.Well now the very wonderful Mr J. closed his folder,stood up, and said "there is nothing I can do for you" and promptly left the room. I was in total shock and did not know what to do,needless to say this set me back from seeking help and had a very bad effect on me.If I had the hold of Mr J. today it would be a very different story, I can assure you he would never do this to anyone else.
This is still the same today,I have tried helplines,counselling and if I was reliant on them, I'd still be in the dark.The one thing I needed to know was the name of the disorder my mother suffered from,why couldn't someone have pointed me in the right direction.
At a conference 2001 I was able to ask a psychiatrist a question on PD's from the floor,he left me to the last and then answered my question. "As for PD's I don't believe we as psychiatrists should be working in this area and they are bottom off my list.I don't even feel comfortable with them on my list." This was a senior psychiatrist in charge of several departments.
Over the years I managed to get a few articles into the press with a contact and this is what happened:-
I received a call from a lady,she asked me to call and see her. We met at her house and she read some information I brought and held the document up,she said "this is it,this is it. What i'm reading in black & white is what I'm dealing with, only one thing. Its the bit on abuse, my mother was never abusive towards me hand on heart." in the next breath she went on to say,as if it was normal"she only threw pokers and irons at me when she was angry." This lady had done a course in psychology to try and understand her mother,but it never covered this area.
A week later my phone rang again, it was a friend off this lady and she asked if she could with me. she told me "my mother and father are in their late seventies and do not have enough to live on the problem is,my mother wont let anyone through the door and she is still beating my father up."
This is a very specialist area and we need to force through recognition so people can receive adequate help The above was my past hopefully things are starting to change.
Mitch
