one month out

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

After an incredibly tough past month I can finally say im starting to feel a lot better. I had a really interesting conversation with my brother in law and stated that I felt a lot less controlled and manipulated since we broke up.
He then replied by saying “yeah, for sure. There were definitely a few times where she said some things where I thought it to be quite controlling”.
I have learnt that no matter how much you try to overlook and rationalise you can never ever undermine subtly controlling and manipulative behaviour. For example, my ex said through text message “you better not be looking at other girls, or ill claw your eyes out”. Seen as she portrays herself as a sweet caring women it is hard to decipher exactly her intentions, but now that I have seen who she really is I can tell you to never underestimate what has been said.
The main one for me was “Nothing gets past me kiddo”, this was a recurring “joke” that she would say when we were talking about certain subjects. Over time this started to make me feel like I couldn’t be trusted, like she thought I was trying to keep things from her/fool her.
Although she would never outright tell me I couldn’t do something or go somewhere (because she knew I wouldn’t stand for it), I did start to get tired of the nit-picks in my flaws, after a while it really started to niggle me.
Did anyone else on this board have similar experiences?

[Hellothere]

After an incredibly tough past month I can finally say im starting to feel a lot better. I had a really interesting conversation with my brother in law and stated that I felt a lot less controlled and manipulated since we broke up.
He then replied by saying “yeah, for sure. There were definitely a few times where she said some things where I thought it to be quite controlling”.
I have learnt that no matter how much you try to overlook and rationalise you can never ever undermine subtly controlling and manipulative behaviour. For example, my ex said through text message “you better not be looking at other girls, or ill claw your eyes out”. Seen as she portrays herself as a sweet caring women it is hard to decipher exactly her intentions, but now that I have seen who she really is I can tell you to never underestimate what has been said.
The main one for me was “Nothing gets past me kiddo”, this was a recurring “joke” that she would say when we were talking about certain subjects. Over time this started to make me feel like I couldn’t be trusted, like she thought I was trying to keep things from her/fool her.
Although she would never outright tell me I couldn’t do something or go somewhere (because she knew I wouldn’t stand for it), I did start to get tired of the nit-picks in my flaws, after a while it really started to niggle me.
Did anyone else on this board have similar experiences?

[ynwa]

Hey Hellothere,

I'm glad to hear you are feeling better.  I've had similar conversations with people who can see differences in me, even though inside I feel very much conflicted. It feels great doesn't it?

You seem to be taking these questions in stride and at face value.  Are they during this month? Or prior? 

[Hellothere]

Hey Hellothere,

I'm glad to hear you are feeling better.  I've had similar conversations with people who can see differences in me, even though inside I feel very much conflicted. It feels great doesn't it?

You seem to be taking these questions in stride and at face value.  Are they during this month? Or prior? 

thankyou very much, yes it is an amazing feeling! the threatening comments i quoted in the original post she said during our relationship, we broke up about a month ago.