After 2 months painted black, she contacts me today

[Hlinthewiking]

I dreamed about her today and I was considering on talking to her... .

However she beat me to it, she texted me first, we haven't spoken since Jan 17th, my birthday, to me surprise she said she had dreamed about me today, before I said anything, she wanted to know how I was doing, we spoke... .She said she loved me today for the first time since November or so, even when we were together, last month she was really off and couldn't say she loved me anymore.

I'm in shock, this is a recycle bomb waiting to blow up, I don't know what to do, my best plan so far is to not do anything until my next therapy session on Monday.

At the same time, I'v been going out of a dBP1BPD (w/ rapid cycling) girl that is going to therapy and getting treatment, things are going "ok" but red flags are already popping up, despite her being much easier to deal with then my exBPDgf.

We'v been going fast, way too fast and when I don't push, she pushes, she started posting pictures of herself on my house on Instagram and I was worried my exBPDgf would see that and recognize my house/room. Just before posting this I checked my Instagram and my exBPDgf posted a picture of herself crying which leads me to believe that she may have seen these pictures and that's why she contacted me.

I guess between a rock and a hard place is well put and I put myself here. Everyone here warned me I shouldn't jump into a relationship like this, but I was already interested in this dBP1BPD girl.

I don't know what to do... .I had lost hope on my exBPDgf, I though she didn't love me anymore and had moved on. I'm building a good base of boundaries and self love since we split and I don't want to go back to how I was with her, at the same time... .I really miss her a lot and I would like to get another shot of that drug again, I never did recreational drugs, but I guess my exBPDgf is better then heroin... .

I was never going to expect this to happen, I really though we were over for good this time.

[gotbushels]

Hi Hlinthewiking  

Often when people are a part of our lives, and very closely a part of our lives, we may dream about them. This may also include objects and work. PwBPDs tend to enmesh with their non partners. I think it's quite normal to have dreams about our partners. With the amount of involvement between a pwBPD and a non, I'd expect that this community would have more of such dreams.

Why are you in shock?

Why did you jump into this new relationship, despite many people warning you not to?

Also, please define what dBP1BPD is. I don't understand this.   Thank you.

[Hlinthewiking]

Hey gotbushels 

I'm in shock because the last thing I would imagine is that she would contact me, let alone on the day I'm considering on talking to her after so many weeks being able to restrain myself. It's not like her to contact me, specially on non-special days,  she usually waits for me to contact her, if I don't she paints me black and moves on, it's the third time we split, but this time she really ended it coldly and it seemed like she didn't love me anymore for sure, I really thought I was painted black for good, I thought she was over me completely.

When I came back to the forums it was already on the way, it's not a "official relationship per se", we are going out, but she said she loved me and it went on from there... .I'm trying to hold it down and keep my mind clear, so far I think I'v been doing a good job and my therapist agrees.

I meant diagnosed Bipolar 1 with Borderline, she has rapid cycling, meaning she goes from mania to depression in a matter of hours, she also has hallucinations when she's in bad shape.

[gotbushels]

I'm in shock because... .

I see.

When I came back to the forums it was already on the way, it's not a "official relationship per se", we are going out, but she said she loved me and it went on from there... .I'm trying to hold it down and keep my mind clear, so far I think I'v been doing a good job and my therapist agrees.

Ok.

You mentioned before:

I put myself here.

I think it's important to hold out that you have put yourself here, by a set of choices.

I guess between a rock and a hard place is well put ... .

Well, another way to look at this is that you have put yourself between two women. If we put pathologies aside for a moment; if you're a straight guy looking at being in a relationship, this can be seen as a good thing. Yes, choosing between women can feel great. Deflating the balloon here is not my intention--and this next question is free of judgement. Is this place here in between these two relationships consistent with your values and beliefs?

I meant diagnosed Bipolar 1 with Borderline, she has rapid cycling, meaning she goes from mania to depression in a matter of hours, she also has hallucinations when she's in bad shape.

Alright.  

Now, I think it's a good idea to focus on this:

I don't know what to do... .I had lost hope on my exBPDgf, I though she didn't love me anymore and had moved on. I'm building a good base of boundaries and self love since we split and I don't want to go back to how I was with her, at the same time... .I really miss her a lot and I would like to get another shot of that drug again, I never did recreational drugs, but I guess my exBPDgf is better then heroin... .

I think you addressing your feelings here in this way is important for deciding where you want to go. Where do you want to go, and where do you want each of these relationships to go?

[Grey Kitty]

I was never going to expect this to happen, I really though we were over for good this time.

I hate to be harsh, but you can't even trust her to do that.

You can't trust her to dump you cleanly and just end it.

Push-pull games are in her nature. So is recycling. So are mixed messages like this one which leave you wondering whether she loves you or she hates you.

Can you accept this?

The only way you can guarantee that it is OVER is to make sure you never let it start again.

If you want to be friends with her, it might be possible. I mean friends without ambiguous drifting towards romance, sex, or other intimacy you don't have with other friends. And don't compare with your best friend, either--put her a notch or two below that.

And it is your job to stop it from going farther than that--As I said, she will continue the games. If it goes "well" she will try to pull you farther in than that.

You may not be able to have this kind of friendship; she could still just go away, or you may decide it isn't worth it. If you still want it, this is the price of maintaining it.

[infjEpic]

I dreamed about her today and I was considering on talking to her... .

However she beat me to it, she texted me first, we haven't spoken since Jan 17th, my birthday, to me surprise she said she had dreamed about me today, before I said anything, she wanted to know how I was doing, we spoke... .She said she loved me today for the first time since November or so, even when we were together, last month she was really off and couldn't say she loved me anymore.

I'm in shock, this is a recycle bomb waiting to blow up, I don't know what to do, my best plan so far is to not do anything until my next therapy session on Monday.

At the same time, I'v been going out of a dBP1BPD (w/ rapid cycling) girl that is going to therapy and getting treatment, things are going "ok" but red flags are already popping up, despite her being much easier to deal with then my exBPDgf.

We'v been going fast, way too fast and when I don't push, she pushes, she started posting pictures of herself on my house on Instagram and I was worried my exBPDgf would see that and recognize my house/room. Just before posting this I checked my Instagram and my exBPDgf posted a picture of herself crying which leads me to believe that she may have seen these pictures and that's why she contacted me.

I guess between a rock and a hard place is well put and I put myself here. Everyone here warned me I shouldn't jump into a relationship like this, but I was already interested in this dBP1BPD girl.

I don't know what to do... .I had lost hope on my exBPDgf, I though she didn't love me anymore and had moved on. I'm building a good base of boundaries and self love since we split and I don't want to go back to how I was with her, at the same time... .I really miss her a lot and I would like to get another shot of that drug again, I never did recreational drugs, but I guess my exBPDgf is better then heroin... .

I was never going to expect this to happen, I really though we were over for good this time.

I don't mean for this to sound cruel - but one of the best pieces of advice I received in the Aftermath of the BPD relationship was as follows:

"Never get involved with people who have more problems than you do."

I really think you have 2 choices:
A) Step back from everything - both women - and let the whole situation defuse
or
B) Watch this blow up in your face. From the language you are using in your post, I believe you are already know that is your destiny if you continue along this path