Am I Being Recycled

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I know the answer is probably yes.

Simple facts. My BPDw wants a divorce. She has been having an affair, her second affair actually, this poor sap was plan B. She has learned a lot since she left her past husband#1 being to always have a spare.

Around early in the year she started getting frantic about selling the house immediately. We had originally planned to stay at home until our son was at least 3. She was also getting fairly angry with me at all times.

I recently fou d out that my replacement has been at the least bit dating at the most screwing yet another woman also married with kids who also looks like a borderline. I know thst my wife knows about her and her finding out coincides with her frantic activity.

Noe this weekend my wife has done a 90, not yet 180. She wants to keep the original agreement and is far less combative, even nice ugh. I know that she is in therapy and I like the direction of her new therapy. Mindfulness based, therapy has DBT training. I saw the stuff she was working on and at the very least it will combat some of her narcissism.

So the question is of course is my wifes new mood and change of mind her first step in recycling me. I cannot imagine her tolerating a cheat who said explicitly to the other girl that he was thinking of leaving my wife. I also dont see her falling for an 'I broke up with  her' story since that is what he told his wife about her.

I think she is trying to put me back on the hook.

[Portent]

I know the answer is probably yes.

Simple facts. My BPDw wants a divorce. She has been having an affair, her second affair actually, this poor sap was plan B. She has learned a lot since she left her past husband#1 being to always have a spare.

Around early in the year she started getting frantic about selling the house immediately. We had originally planned to stay at home until our son was at least 3. She was also getting fairly angry with me at all times.

I recently fou d out that my replacement has been at the least bit dating at the most screwing yet another woman also married with kids who also looks like a borderline. I know thst my wife knows about her and her finding out coincides with her frantic activity.

Noe this weekend my wife has done a 90, not yet 180. She wants to keep the original agreement and is far less combative, even nice ugh. I know that she is in therapy and I like the direction of her new therapy. Mindfulness based, therapy has DBT training. I saw the stuff she was working on and at the very least it will combat some of her narcissism.

So the question is of course is my wifes new mood and change of mind her first step in recycling me. I cannot imagine her tolerating a cheat who said explicitly to the other girl that he was thinking of leaving my wife. I also dont see her falling for an 'I broke up with  her' story since that is what he told his wife about her.

I think she is trying to put me back on the hook.

[vortex of confusion]

How do you feel about being recycled? Do you want to be recycled? Do you want to go back to her? You have a choice in this.

One of the things that I figured out with ex is that he was going to keep me on the sidelines as long as I allowed it to happen. As long as I allowed him to keep coming back, he was going to do it. I had to decide when I was done and make it happen. It isn't easy by any stretch of the imagination. Right now, he is in a sticky position and doesn't have a place to live. He asked to sleep on my couch for a night or two. I said no.

I don't want to say no because I had been with him for so many years and we have kids together. I had to say no because I know that any kind of weakness on my part is going to open things up and put me in a position where I may not be able to get rid of him again.

So, figure out what YOU want and then do it! You can't be recycled unless you want it to happen. You can set boundaries and enforce them and make sure that she knows that you will NOT be recycled.

[apollotech]

How do you feel about being recycled? Do you want to be recycled? Do you want to go back to her? You have a choice in this.

One of the things that I figured out with ex is that he was going to keep me on the sidelines as long as I allowed it to happen. As long as I allowed him to keep coming back, he was going to do it. I had to decide when I was done and make it happen.

Portent,

Vortex is correct, this isn't about her or what she may or may not be trying to accomplish. This is about you and what you want, what you will allow. Everyone that has been recycled, myself included, was a willing participant in the recycle.

[Portent]

Well Im black again so no need to worry ATM.

[infjEpic]

I know the answer is probably yes.

Simple facts. My BPDw wants a divorce. She has been having an affair, her second affair actually, this poor sap was plan B. She has learned a lot since she left her past husband#1 being to always have a spare.

Around early in the year she started getting frantic about selling the house immediately. We had originally planned to stay at home until our son was at least 3. She was also getting fairly angry with me at all times.

I recently fou d out that my replacement has been at the least bit dating at the most screwing yet another woman also married with kids who also looks like a borderline. I know thst my wife knows about her and her finding out coincides with her frantic activity.

Noe this weekend my wife has done a 90, not yet 180. She wants to keep the original agreement and is far less combative, even nice ugh. I know that she is in therapy and I like the direction of her new therapy. Mindfulness based, therapy has DBT training. I saw the stuff she was working on and at the very least it will combat some of her narcissism.

So the question is of course is my wifes new mood and change of mind her first step in recycling me. I cannot imagine her tolerating a cheat who said explicitly to the other girl that he was thinking of leaving my wife. I also dont see her falling for an 'I broke up with  her' story since that is what he told his wife about her.

I think she is trying to put me back on the hook.

DBT doesn't work overnight unfortunately.

In answer to your question - Yes.
The language you are using is concerning - it sounds as though you are willing to be recycled. Am I wrong?

I hope you have enough compassion for yourself not to allow that to happen.
You and your son deserve so much better.

[Portent]

No after the last blow up I'm not willing to be recycled. The sad thing is that now she has merged her work and home life with my replacement. She will lose her mask at work now. I see her being committed within a few years.